Page 51 of Survival Game

“That day we went to the gallery, I went to a therapist to talk about my ‘problems.’” Eric used air quotes. “I knew I needed to talk to someone about it again given what happened the other day but…” He shook his head fiercely. “I wasn’t prepared.”

Kyle was mystified. “What the hell is ‘it?’ Are you being deliberately cryptic?”

Eric swung around to face him, eyes dark. “It was losing a man to suicide. The other day, when I was working a case, the guy jumped and I couldn’t save him. It rehashed all the inadequacies and guilt I felt when I lost my partner in Nepal. I watched the man I loved fall to his death while saving me.”

Kyle gasped in horror. “Eric, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine—” He broke off as Eric made a cutting motion with his hand.

“It was the most unselfish and noble thing anyone has ever done for me. And I fucking hated him for it.” The room fell silent. The bleak look in Eric’s eyes spoke volumes and Kyle wasn’t sure what to say.

Finally, he dragged up the courage to be the friend Eric had been a couple of weeks before when Kyle bared his soul. “Can you tell me what happened? I’d like to hear about it if you can tell me. You kind of scared me the other night.” So, this is what he’s been hiding. God, he must have been devastated.

A pang of fear, selfish but nonetheless real, took him by surprise. Can I compete with a man who gave his life for his lover? How does anyone beat that? Especially me, who couldn’t even stand up for himself with his psycho ex.

It was the shuddering breath Eric took as he passed a hand over his eyes that made Kyle want to rush over and hug the life out of him. At least he was good for that.

After another minute of pacing, Eric sat down in his chair and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he stared at Kyle fiercely.

“First things first. You know I would never hurt you, right? I’m not a violent guy, and after what you went through, the idea of doing anything harmful to you appals me. The other night, I was on edge. No excuse, just…” He gazed at Kyle imploringly. “I’d never touch you in any way you didn’t want.”

Kyle rubbed his fingers along the top of Eric’s hand. “I know,” he said. “I do, honest. It’s just sometimes, I get spooked.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” Eric said softly. “I never wanted to make you think of him. That’s the last thing I ever want you to do. He’s in your past, and let’s hope he’ll stay there.”

He took a shuddering breath. “I guess I should start at the beginning. My boyfriend’s name was Lincoln Dunbar. He was a couple of years older than me. I met him through a rock-climbing group. It used to be a thing of mine.” He stopped, his face growing contemplative. “Linc was an experienced instructor and he taught me everything I knew about climbing. One thing led to another and we became a couple. I’d just joined the ambulance service so time together wasn’t easy. But we managed. God, we managed.”

A faint smile crossed his face at a memory and Kyle swallowed, feeling it was not becoming of him to be jealous of a dead man.

“In twenty-twelve, a group of us went to Nepal to do some climbing.” Eric’s face turned bleak. “We were on our way up to the summit of Everest when there was an earthquake.” He looked down at his entwined hands in his lap. “It triggered an avalanche. Linc was bringing up the rear. My buddy Anton was at the top and Katherine was below me. We managed to swing into a cave. God knows how we managed it, but we did. Lincoln wasn’t so lucky. The rope slipped, cut, fuck knows, and he went dangling off into the abyss.” He halted, taking a deep, tortured breath.

Kyle’s eyes stung as he fought to choke back tears at the distraught look on Eric’s face. He couldn’t speak for love or money, too caught up in the tragedy.

Eric continued, his voice rough. “I managed to pull him up, Anton was holding me, but he couldn’t sustain it.” He stood up, taking agitated strides around the room. “I told him, Anton, don’t you fucking let go of me. I’m going to pull Linc in.” He gave a shuddering sigh. “And he tried, God he tried. But I kept slipping, going down the same way as Lincoln, while he kept telling me to leave him. But I couldn’t. I had hold of his arm so tightly, but it was only his jacket and I—” he choked, tears running down his face. “Then he looked at me and said, “Time to save yourself. I love you, baby.” And he let go. Just...let go.”

Staring into space, seeing what had to be etched into him memory, he sputtered, “The bastard left me there holding his jacket and watching him fall into a fucking abyss.” His face was ghastly pale and Kyle couldn’t help the tears flowing freely down his face. His heart ached with pain and grieved for the man who’d given his life so Eric could live—and oh the tragedy for Eric to have seen it. Who wouldn’t be traumatised by that experience?

This time, Kyle didn’t care whether Eric wanted him close or not. Kyle needed to hold him.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry,” he murmured helplessly as he pulled Eric into his chest and wrapped arms around him. Eric fell into him and his body shook with sobs.

“I hated him for leaving me,” he stuttered, words muffled against Kyle’s chest. “I put it behind me, tried to carry on. It was hard and I still miss him every day. But I was dealing with it, even with the nightmares, the memories. Then a few days ago, the day I blew you off, someone went and jumped off a building. I tried to stop him but I couldn’t.” He lifted his head and stared at Kyle with swollen eyes. “All I was left with was his damn cardigan. Just like before.”

Kyle’s heart broke in two right then. That Eric had been through this with someone he’d loved, and now, to bring it all to the fore again, a stranger had done the same. No wonder Eric was falling apart, and on the edge.

And it sounds like he still loves Lincoln.

Kyle swallowed, trying to relieve the ache in his throat at the thought Eric might not want him after all and he might have misjudged things.

“Let it out,” he whispered against Eric’s hair. “I’m here for you. No matter what the outcome is, I’ll always be around.”

Eric stilled then pulled free from Kyle’s embrace. “What do you mean?” he choked out. “That sounds like you’re planning on going somewhere.” He sounded desperate.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kyle murmured. “Promise.” Not until you ask me to leave.

Eric’s face flooded with relief. “Oh, that’s good. I thought…” His voice trailed off.

His face lighting up gave Kyle hope. “He sounds like a remarkable man, your Lincoln.”

Eric nodded. “He was. We had good times together.” He took Kyle’s hand and rubbed his fingers gently across the top. Kyle watched the movement, mesmerised.