Page 16 of Doubting Hearts

“You’ll see.”

We drove in silence as Rain fidgeted, muttered, licked my ear, and drove me bloody crazy. It was a form of torture he seemed to have perfected. My cock was so tight against my pants it was like wearing a cock cage.

Something I’d tried once before in a very rare moment of submission with a potential partner who hadn’t worked out. I hadn’t been particularly partial to the whole experience.

“I know it’s here somewhere,” I muttered to myself as Rain raised an eyebrow at me. I was looking for the turnoff for Blackweather Farm, where I’d spent quite a bit of time when I’d first arrived. I’d earned my keep helping the owner, a taciturn man called Dave Beddington, bring in his crops. I’d only done it for a few months, enjoying the feeling of being outdoors, seeing the fruits of our labors stack up in the guise of haystacks. In return, Dave had given me a warm, dry place to stay and some old clothing of his son, who now lived in Edinburgh. I exclaimed in triumph at seeing the rickety sign outlined in the beam of the car headlamps, turning the car down a small dirt lane as we bumped and grinded over potholes.

“I’m starting to get a little worried,” Rain murmured. “This seems a little Children of the Corn to me. I might have to start worrying about scarecrows and shit. Are you going to tell me anytime soon where we’re going?”

“In a moment, just be patient.” Seeing what I was looking for, I pulled the car over into a small lay-by surrounded by trees and bushes, stopped the engine, and turned to look at Rain.

He looked at me in amazement. “We’re going to fuck in a lay-by?” he spluttered. “Wow, Toby, talk about living dangerously, you animal, you.”

His mirth was too much to bear, and I scowled. The words he’d uttered had once again gone straight to my groin. He’d been right when he’d said we hadn’t fucked each other yet. In the past two weeks, the garden shed had become “our hump place,” and we’d given each other quick blowjobs, dry humped when we got the chance, and jerked each other off, but so far we hadn’t had the opportunity to actually have sex. Either there was just not enough time, or someone was always around, or we were at the hotel, and I wouldn’t chance it there.

I had condoms and lube in my trouser pocket, skillfully palmed from the side pocket when I’d gotten into the car. I was also a little apprehensive. The feelings I had for Rain seemed to be deeper than just sexual. We’d only known each other just over two weeks. The man was a bit of an enigma, sexy, warm and intelligent, with a sense of humor and a depth to him that I thought he tried to hide. All I knew about him from the little conversation we’d had was that a past relationship had gone bad, left him pretty hurt and wary of getting involved again. Past that, I didn’t even really know where he lived, other than a vague, “on the outskirts of town in a cottage.”

“Listen, hotshot, just get out of the bloody car and follow me.” I clambered out of the car, making my way through bushes.

I vaguely saw the way I wanted to go in the bright moonlight. The moon was full tonight, and I wondered if that was a good omen.

I was partial to believing in the effects of the moon on the psyche, and I’d heard a full moon enhanced emotions and experiences. I was looking forward to testing that theory out here in the wilderness. Rain swore behind me as he followed me. Finally, we were through the bushes. I smiled a goofy smile at what I saw. Rain stood beside me with a stricken look on his face.

“What the hell?” He peered anxiously across the moonlit field.

I waved my hand at the outline of the object in the field in front of us about twenty feet away. “That’s where I want us to be.”

He looked at me in disbelief. “It’s a bloody haystack!” he growled. “What are we supposed to do with that?”

“Oh ye of little imagination,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s not what we’re going to do with it but what we’re going to do on top of it.”

The haystack was built up like a set of steps, a series of four bales all set together, one shorter one leading to another taller one until you reached the top one, which was about fifteen feet off the ground. I hoped Rain wasn’t averse to heights. Farmer Dave had always stacked his bales like that. I’d thought, given the film I’d watched last week, some chick flick about a cowboy and a young city lass who got it on in the field, against a haystack, my idea had been a stroke of inspiration.

Rain didn’t look convinced. “You want me to fuck you on top of a haystack?”

I looked at him in surprise. “Oh no. I’m the one doing the fucking.”

“The hell you are,” he growled. “I haven’t bottomed in ages. There’s no way I’m letting you fuck me.”

My temper flared. “Why did you automatically assume I’d be the one bottoming?” His past “twink” comment started to drift through my brain.

His comeback was swift. “Why did you?”

We stood and looked at each other, hands clenched at our sides, breaths hard and fast. It was aptly described as a Mexican standoff, especially seeing as how I was still so hard I could have gone to space using my cock as a rocket.

“So what do we do now?” Rain asked quietly as he watched my face. I shrugged, feeling a little hurt at his complete reluctance to let me inside him.

“I suppose we go home and forget about it. Keep doing what we’re doing. Groping and sucking each other off. The mood’s gone a bit now, hasn’t it?” I knew I was being bloody minded about the whole thing.

I honestly didn’t mind top or bottom usually, but I’d really wanted it to be me in him first. He laid a hand on my arm as I turned to go back to the car.

“Wait.” I looked at him, seeing the shadow in his eyes even in the dim light. His face was still. “I need to explain something.” He swallowed. “I got hurt once that way. Pretty badly, and I just haven’t been able to trust anyone since then with… you know.” He gestured with his hand, then sighed slightly. “I suppose we should have shared all of this with each other before we started this thing, yeah?”

My heart had fallen at his admission that someone had once hurt him in such a fashion. I hadn’t thought something like that could ever happen to someone as confident and put together as Rain Engel. The look on his face made my heart ache.

“I’m sorry, Rain. I guess we should have spoken about it before instead of assuming.” He nodded and gazed down at the ground. Somewhere an owl hooted, and we both started. The wind had picked up slightly, a warm breeze that caressed my face and made my hair ruffle lightly. Rain lifted his head, watching me with an expression of yearning. I had to say something, so I had another bright idea. I’d watched Dirty

Dancing only a few days ago—on my own, I have to say. I couldn’t blame being forced to watch it by Tammy for that one. I was a big Patrick Swayze fan for obvious gay-man reasons. “Fine. You can fuck me. But first you have to dance for me.”