Page 8 of The Sweetest Return

“I don’t think that’s how you see me. I think that’s how everything around us is starting to see me. And I let it happen because I love you so much that being close to you started feeling like enough of a plan.”

For a moment, Dre only looked at me.

Then he stood and pulled on his boxer briefs, not in anger, but because he needed something between us besides the bed.

“You know I don’t even know where the fuck I’m going,” he said.

“I know.”

“Everybody keeps talking about the league like I got some map they forgot to give me. I don’t know who drafts me. I don’t know what city I’m gonna live in. I don’t know if I play right away or sit behind somebody. I got men I never met asking about every injury I ever had, measuring shit, talking about how much weight I can add without losing speed.”

He shook his head, frustration roughening his voice.

“They talk about moving me around like I’m equipment. Scouts. Coaches. Reporters. Alumni. Folks who ain’t never sat with me a day in their life. Everybody got a plan for what Dre Jones supposed to become because twenty-two can run through a hole and make people stand up in a stadium.”

His eyes came back to mine.

“They don’t see me either, Mani.”

I swallowed.

“I know,” I said softly.

“Do you?”

The question stung because maybe I didn’t.

Not enough.

“I’m trying to.”

“I never asked you to follow me around.”

“I know.”

“And I wouldn’t.”

“I know that too.”

“Then what are we arguing about?”

“I don’t know.”

The words came out tired instead of loud.

“I got that email today and I was so happy,” I said. “I wanted to scream. I wanted to call my mother. I wanted to tell Camille. And then the first thing I thought about was you.”

His shoulders dropped a little.

“I thought about New York and graduation and the draft and how neither one of us knows where you’ll be six months from now. And I hated myself because part of me was relieved that Tiffany gave me somewhere I was supposed to be.”

“Mani.”

“I love you so much.”

My voice broke.

“Sometimes I look at you and swear you were made for me.”