Page 38 of The Alchemists

She obeyed, and suddenly the world was upside down. Surprise bubbled in her chest. “Oh!”

“See?”

From this angle, on this perfectly calm night, it was impossible to distinguish the reflection of the sky on the glass-still surface of the pond from the sky itself. Two sets of stars, two waning moons, two strands of vaporous clouds, all backed by the hypnotic rush of water tumbling over a stone wall.

“As above, so below,” she mused.

“As above, so below,” he echoed. “I used to come here a lot, when I needed to get outside my head.”

“It’s a good place to forget yourself,” she agreed. “It kind of feels like you’re drowning, but…”

Even though the water was loud, this close together, they didn’t need to raise their voices.

“I’ve never shown this to anyone.” It sounded less like a confession and more like a realization. “Not even…”

“Hawleyhurst?”

“Yeah.”

Lily wriggled back toward the dam, her brain pulsing with blood.

“Watch your head,” he said, putting his hand up to block her from smacking her forehead on the railing.

They sat on his coat, leaning against the railing, Sebastian with one leg stretched out, Lily’s knees drawn into her chin. She rested her head on her arms, looking at him sideways under her bangs. In the dark he was mostly the suggestion of a boy, except for his white shirt.

“He wasn’t just your friend, was he?”

Sebastian took a long time to respond, and for a horrible moment she thought she’d crossed a line. She was about to apologize when he finally answered.

“No, he wasn’t just a friend.” He tipped his head back, eyelids pressing closed. His whole body sagged.

“I’m sorry,” she said, though she had no idea what it was like to lose a lover, having never had one. She wondered how long they’d been together—years, maybe. Their friendship had been notorious before she’d even started at Windermere, a “legendary bromance.” So much for that.

“Thanks.”

“So, you’re not out?”

He laughed bitterly. “That’s why we broke up. I wanted to be together, publicly, and he...didn’t.” His sigh could have leveled civilizations. “I get it, of course. Obviously. My parents probably would have disinherited me, especially since they’re banking hard on me marrying someone with ovaries—not that it matters since they already have the heir in Reg, but…”

She remembered her conversation with her mom about Fabian Allsaires maybe, probably, pushing his older brother out of a tower window and shuddered. Sebastian turned to her.

“Are you cold?”

“No,” she said quickly, quickly enough that a few seconds later she realized she wanted to say “yes.” “Anyway,” she said. “But.”

“Yeah.”

“You were in love.”

“Yeah.” He laughed lightly, a laugh to break your heart. “Really, really in love. Have you ever?”

“Been in love?” It was hard not to laugh. “No. Who would fall in love with Leper Lily?”

“I wasn’t sure if maybe there was someone normal—” He caught his mistake too late. “Shit. I didn’t mean, of course you wouldn’t⁠—”

“It’s fine.” She cast blindly for something else to say, to keep the conversation going. She wanted it to keep going. Interesting. “It’s hard to imagine you with him. Hawleyhurst.”

This time his silence seemed more like the silence of trying to find a way around something.