Page 19 of Meant for Mayhem

I shook my head.

“It’s not fate, or anything like that.”

That still wasn’t right.

“Just an instant connection. A feeling on a soul-deep level you can trust them. A gut feeling.”

“No.” She answered quickly. “People suck, and the world isn’t cute like that.”

“For someone with that many romance novels, that’s pretty cynical.”

Shannon shrugged. “Books are fiction. The author already knows they’re going to work out. They can make people act the way they don’t in real life.”

“Mm.”

“Don’t ‘mm’ me. I’m not wrong.”

Leena whimpered in her sleep, so I stood up and walked toward the hallway with Shannon right on my heels. The moment the door shut behind us, I turned toward her, trapping her between me and the door.

“What would you like me to say, then? If you don’t want the romanticized version of this, should I tell you I’ve dreamt of you more times than I can count? That some part of me thinks my subconscious is both the smartest and stupidest fucker for saying your name? That this is some deeply elaborate ploy to get in your pants?”

Her gaze shot up to mine, eyes blown wide. Maybe my body was that much larger than hers, but I could have sworn she leaned in.

“At least that’s a more interesting plotline.”

“This is my life, Shannon.” I leaned down until our faces were nearly level, realizing my mistake the moment she licked her lips. Fuck, we were too close. “This isn’t a game. I didn’t come here to play with your emotions, and I promise I never will.”

Her gaze roamed my face, bouncing between my eyes and mouth, chest rising and falling while my brain clung to every movement like a life raft.

But this wasn’t about attraction.

Wasn’t about how before Leena took up every available space in my head, it was Shannon right there, front and center. Had been from the moment I met her.

I took a step back, brushing a hand through my hair. “I came here to apologize and to ask for help. My daughter’s mother was an addict, and she’s gone. Now, every single moment I spend away from Leena, I’m terrified to the point where I can’t breathe that something will go wrong. That little girl has no one but me in her corner, and I can’t⁠—”

I pulled at my hair, grinding my teeth together as I edged into yet another panic attack.

“I can’t fail her.”

A small hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling my arm back down. Once it was back at my side, Shannon’s hands came up to either side of my jaw, forcing my attention back to her.

“You’re not failing her.”

I tried to pull my face out of her hands, to step back, but Shannon held me in place.

“Tell me about her mother.”

“She’s not in the picture. Ava signed her rights away this summer like it was nothing. Like Leena didn’t matter.”

Shannon’s thumb swiped across my jaw. “Excellent. I hate her.”

I chuckled, the sound raw in my throat as the panic in me lessened. Once my breathing returned to normal, Shannon let go and stepped out from under me.

“Tell me what you’re worried about.”

“Right now? I’m worried I sound insane.”

“A little. Next.”