Page 54 of Meant for Mayhem

“Walk me through what happened in Monday’s game. You played for a few minutes in the first period, then a few more in the second before you didn’t return to the ice for the third. Tell me about it.”

I gave him enough details to corroborate any story Frankie had relayed, explaining how I’d lost my concentration on the ice, then went into the locker room between periods.

“You said you felt ‘off.’ Can you describe what felt that way to you?”

I rattled off the symptoms Frankie and I had already discussed: elevated heart rate, sweating, trouble breathing, senses fading out. “I was fine, though.”

Kevin jotted something down on the paper pad in front of him, then looked back up at me. “Frankie said you guys talked to your mom. That you felt better after seeing Leena on the screen?”

I shrugged. “Yeah.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“I feel better when she’s with me.” It sounded stupid saying it out loud, but this whole thing sounded stupid. “Knowing I’m in control.”

“Explain what it is you like to control.”

“Everything?”

Kevin nodded, then jotted something else down. Part of me wished I was there with him so I could lean over and see what it was I’d said worth noting.

“Talk to me about this summer. About when you found out you had a daughter.”

I frowned. “I went to Helsinki and signed the papers to bring her home with me.”

“Were you surprised to hear about her?”

“Of course I was fucking surprised,” I growled. “You think I would have left her for a year and a half with no father had I known about her? I don’t care what circumstances she and Ava were in, she’s mine and always will be.”

“Did you feel in control of the situation then?”

“Hell no.”

“I bet that was hard.”

Tears pricked my eyes, and what the fuck? I didn’t cry.

“I wasn’t given a choice.” The words came out without my permission. “Not about if I wanted her, because of course I do. But over being in her life. Not until Ava made that choice for me, dropping her off like she didn’t matter.”

“She matters to you.”

“More than anything,” I said again, repeating my earlier sentiment. “More than fucking anything.”

This time when he grinned, it looked a little more like pity. “That sucks, man. I’m sorry you went through this. But I’m glad you have her with you now.”

It was my turn to nod. “Thanks.”

“I heard you got married recently too,” Kevin said, thankfully giving up on discussing Leena before I really did need to lie down. “Shannon, is that right? How is she?”

“Perfect,” I answered before I could think any harder on it.

“That’s great. And she’s agreed to travel with you and Leena, I heard?”

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “We were going over travel plans this morning, and my girls will join us on the road when I return in a few weeks.”

“A whole family affair. I like it.”

“What? Not going to give me shit that their physical presence is a crutch to get over my crippling anxiety?”