Page 119 of Nuts

“Did you poke squash in his butt, too?”

“Cucumbers.”

“Oh wow.”

She cleared her throat. “Okay. Here’s where we are. You’re going to die. Tomorrow. You’ll be tossed off a bridge. It’s going to be ruled a suicide, because you’ve got PTSD. Your wife will get nothing, you’ll be a statistic, and nobody will care. Life will continue, and about the time you start pushing up lilies at the cemetery, your wife will be screwing one of your ATF buddies. He’s probably comforting her now while she gives him a blowie in the park. Now. Convince me in fifty words or less why you shouldn’t die.”

He took a drink and then stared at his feet.

So far, Joey was impressive.

He took another drink, looked at her, and sighed. “On my God, my country, and my Corps, I swear these words. I will testify that I planted Meathead’s pistol, and that I’ve been wandering the desert aimlessly this entire time. I’ll claim PTSD got the best of me. Meathead will go free, and you’ll never see me again.”

She looked at me. “He did it in forty-nine. We need to go outside and talk.”

I looked at him. “One fucking peep, and the tarantulas are coming out. We clear?”

He nodded.

“You’ve got tarantulas?”

“Got ‘em at the pet store in Temecula. Big fuckers.”

She shook her head.

We walked out of the container, and to the side.

“Didn’t you say Crip was a SEAL?”

It seemed an odd question, but I responded nonetheless. “Yep.”

“Call him.”

“About what?”

SEALs and Marines are both in the department of the Navy, so Crip should know the answer to the question.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Which is?”

“If a Marine swears on God, Country, and Corps, is it the truth or a lie.”

My eyes shot wide. “That’s what we’re going to go off?”

“I’ll tell you after he responds.”

I pulled out my phone and called Crip. He answered on the third ring.

“Brother Nut. What can I do you for?”

“Quick question, Prez.”

“I’m listening.”

“If a Marine swears on his God, Country and…” I looked at Joey. She mouthed the word Corps. “Corps, is he lying or telling the truth.”

“He swore on all three?”

“Yep.”