Page 16 of Nuts

“I wasn’t grinding my cock on her. And, her dad ain’t about to do shit. I’d wad that prick up in a ball and toss his big ass in the street. It’s her stepdad, anyway.”

“You know about that fucker, don’t you?”

“What? That he’s some war hero? Yeah, I’m well aware. But I ain’t about to let the fact that he’s got a medal on his chest make me feel like I’m somehow beneath him.”

“I wasn’t saying that, I was just--”

“Let me tell you something, Smoke. I didn’t fight in that war. They wouldn’t let me. Because of my foot. Believe me, I tried. The fact that he killed some platoon of angry Iraqis doesn’t make him any better, any tougher, or any more of a man than me.”

He nodded. “Agreed.”

“If you agree, stop talking shit.”

“I was just saying if you rammed your cock against his daughter’s thigh that he might--”

Smudge was nice, had a perfect attitude, and her personality was her most attractive feature. But, she was young, and I was pretty damned sure she was a lesbian.

“If I decide to play with his daughter’s tits, I’ll play with his daughter’s tits. If I want to rub my stiff dick on her thigh, I’ll rub my stiff dick on her thigh. And there ain’t a fucking thing he – or anyone else – will be able to do to stop me. Not like I’ll have to worry about it, she’s too god damned young for me to be fucking with and she’s probably a queer.”

“You need to go to the dealership and see her,” he said with a laugh. “And shit, I bet you’re not ten years older than she is.”

“Ten years is a long time. If it is ten, when she was in kindergarten I was a sophomore in high school. When I think about that, it makes me itch. Never fucked with the younger chicks, you know that.”

“Eleven years between Sandy and me.”

“You’re a fucking weirdo, though.”

He arched an eyebrow. “A weirdo?”

“Maybe not a weirdo, but you do weird shit.”

His other eyebrow raised. “Like what?”

I pulled a cigarette from my pack and clenched it between my teeth. “Where do you want me to start?”

“Start wherever you want,” he said with a laugh. “If there’s one of us that’s weird, it sure as fuck isn’t me.”

I lit the cigarette, took a drag, and then shot him a glare. “So, you’re saying I’m a weirdo?”

“Weirder than me, that’s for sure.”

“How the fuck you figure?”

He extended a finger as he made each point. “You don’t trust anyone. Nobody can tell you what to do. If it isn’t you’re idea, it’s wrong. If it is your idea, everyone else is wrong. You walk into a room and start counting shit, and you can’t have one fucking thing out of place in your house, or it freaks you out. Want me to go on?”

I exhaled a cloud of smoke and shook my head. “So, because I’m a neat-freak realist who sees things clearer than most simple-minded fuckers, I’m a weirdo?”

“Weirdo was your term, not mine. I might be weird, but you’re fucking nuts.”

“The fact I don’t fuck kindergartners doesn’t make me nuts.”

“She’s not in kindergarten now.”

“She was.”

“So were you.”

“If we were in kindergarten together, I’d probably be banging that shit right now just for practice. I dig older chicks. Chicks with more experience.”