Page 98 of Money Shot

VINCE

I hadto be honest with myself before I could be honest with anyone else. Once I realized I was mistaken in my beliefs and opinions of myself, I quickly admitted my faults to God and my mother, and I had one more step to go before I could feel that I was the man I had always portrayed myself as being.

“Brought your bike. Tell you what, that thing’ll never die. It’s a beast, Pop,” I said.

I glanced around the cemetery. Rows upon rows of headstones did nothing to minimize the loss of my father, but I did feel like I had thousands of eyes and ears making sure what I said was exactly what I needed to say.

“So, I came here for a reason. I guess, when you get right down to it, I came here for your respect…”

I paused and shook my head. It was far more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. After a moment, I lowered myself to the ground, sat cross legged, and gazed at the headstone.

“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I want to admit some things to you. I hope I didn’t disappoint you too much, and if I did, I’ll apologize in advance.”

I shifted my eyes up to the trees, and eventually to the blue sky well beyond the cemetery. After scanning the horizon for clouds and finding none, my eyes fell to the gravestone.

“Pop, I lied to you. I told you I quit smoking, and I did. But I started again, quite a few times, and I never came back and told you. So I lied. I know you’d see it that way, and I sure see it that way. I lied to Ma, and hell everyone for that matter.”

“You know I told you I quit because you wanted me to, and I’m going to try again. I’m going to do my best, but no promises. We’ll just see how it goes.”

I uncrossed my legs, stood, and rested my hand on the top of the headstone. “So I’ve got the girl back, and I’m not going to let her go this time. I know how you and mom tried to have kids after me and always hoped for a girl…”

“Well, I guess in some ways Ma’s got one now. She sure likes her, Pop. We’re over there for Sunday dinners every week. Brought one of the fellas and his girl a couple of times, and Ma sure enjoyed it. Hell, before you know it we might have that dinner table full of the fellas and their girls. I know it’d make Ma happy to have that house filled with people even if it was just once.”

“I’m real sorry if I let you down, Pop. There’s one more thing that’s been bothering me. It’s not a lie in my eyes, but it’s the only other thing I could think of that I needed to admit.”

I lifted my hand from the gravestone, crossed my arms in front of my chest, and studied the name on the stone.

Vincent Stephen Ames

“Vince”

“When I was a kid, I used to peel the wrapping paper off the packages, to see what I was getting, and wrap ‘em back up.”

I slapped my hand against the top of the headstone and grinned.

“I’ll keep you up to speed on the girl, Pop. And I’m sorry, I really am. I guess all I can say is this…”

“From this day forward I’ll do my best to make you proud.”

And that’s a promise.