Page 76 of Misadventures of a Biker

“Devin!” My eyes bulged. “You’ve got to treat yourself.”

“To what?” he asked. “I’ve got everything I need right here.”

His reasoning was sweet and difficult to argue with. “I guess saving money is a good thing.”

It frustrated me that I’d saved as much as I had and then lost it to a bad investment with an equally bad boyfriend. Although Devin said at one time that he’d take care of it, I realized there was nothing he could do to get the money to reappear.

“You never said what was in the oven,” Herb said, glancing over his shoulder. “It’s starting to smell good.”

“Pie,” I said. “Peach. They had fresh ones at a market in Immokalee.”

“I was going to have another helping of that rice, but I’m not going to spoil my appetite,” Herb said. “Damned shame we don’t have any vanilla ice cream to go with it.”

“I brought ice cream,” I said. “It’s in the freezer.”

“You know,” he said, giving me a soft look, “when turd bucket told me you swallowed his junk, I told him you were a keeper. Now I’m sure of it.”

“Goddammit, Herb,” Devin growled. “That’s enough.”

I coughed on a mouthful of rice until it came out my nose. After making things right again, I looked at Herb with a face that was undoubtedly glowing red. “I can’t swallow his junk.”

“Spunk,” he said. “I get ’em mixed up.”

Embarrassed but entertained nonetheless, I laughed out loud. Devin said I needed to own who I was, so I did without hesitation.

“I swallow his spunk because I love him,” I said.

His brows pinched together. “He told me all about the declaration of love. From what I understand, you were swallowing that goop long before then.” He looked at Devin and then back at me. “Am I wrong?”

“Probably not,” I said.

“You swallowed it long before you loved him, right?” he asked.

With anyone else, it would have been awkward. With Herb, it was entertaining. I nodded in agreement to his claim. “I suppose.”

“Can I ask you a question about it?” he asked. “An honest one?”

“Sure.”

“Does that shit taste good, or does it taste like one would think?”

“I try not to taste it,” I said.

“How the hell does one do that? Swallow something without tasting it? Do you plug your nose?”

I laughed. “No. I let it go down my throat. Bypass the tongue, no taste.”

He nodded slowly as if he’d finally comprehended the process of splitting an atom. “That makes sense.” He looked at Devin. “I told you no one wants to taste that shit.”

I looked at each of them and shook my head. “I can’t believe you two talk about this kind of stuff.”

“I don’t think you and Kate are much different,” Devin said.

“We’re probably not,” I admitted.

“Things sure have changed since I was young,” Herb said. “Girls didn’t talk about spunk, junk, or anything in between. Hell, half of ’em wouldn’t put a man’s wiener in their mouth if their life depended on it. Now, Vinnie said his granddaughters were doing it in eighth grade.” He shook his head. “I think Facebooks and Twitter has everyone messed up in the head.”

“You’re probably right,” I said. “I don’t use social media for anything but work, really.”