Page 259 of Knot Their Soldier: Part Three

I lick my lips and try to push down the cacophony of self-doubt that has been rising in me to listen to my mate.

My hand curls against Shade’s chest, and I think about how strange it is that my body has belonged to so many other people before it ever truly belonged to me. My father, the Fathim military, General Stone, the Pack.

"For most of my life, I thought pregnancy wasn’t possible," I say quietly. "At first it crushed me. I was so young and hopeful." My throat tightens briefly. "Then eventually I learned how to live with the shame."

I built a version of myself around that reality. A future that didn’t revolve around children or mating or becoming what everyone expected an Omega to become. I just existed as I was: defective and unwanted. A cog in the military machine. Clock into work in the storerooms, then clock out and back to the Omega Division.

Then Pack Scorch found me.

A soft huff of breath escapes me as I think about the endless months of training, bruises, weapons drills, running until my lungs burned, learning how to survive alongside soldiers who didn't treat me like something delicate or broken.

"Somewhere along the way, my body stopped feeling like a faulty incubator," I whisper. "It became mine. Strong and capable."

Shade’s arm tightens slightly around me, listening.

"I spent so much of my life feeling like my body had failed at the one thing Omegas were supposed to do." My gaze drifts toward the dark ceiling overhead. "Then the world ended, and suddenly this body, the one everyone thought was useless, was what saved everyone."

The words settle heavily in the quiet nest.

"I became a soldier," I say softly. "Then I became something even bigger than that."

My chest aches as I finally come to the realization I've been circling for weeks, as if finally speaking it out loud meant I could no longer hide from the truth.

"I don’t think I can go backward now. I don’t think I can reduce myself to pregnancy after everything that happened."

Blaze shifts beside us with a sleepy grumble, still dead asleep.

I swallow hard.

"I know that probably sounds awful. Like I'm minimizing motherhood."

"It doesn’t," Shade says immediately.

My eyes sting unexpectedly.

For the first time in my life, my body feels important because of what it can do, not because of what it cannot, and I can’t bear the thought of losing that version of myself now that I’ve finally found her.

"I want Everlyn to keep giving me the contraception shot," I say quietly.

My pulse kicks harder, but underneath the nerves, there’s relief and certainty. This is right. It's how I feel, and it's okay.

"I don’t want to spend every heat terrified I’ll get pregnant before I'm ready," I continue. "And I don’t want my body to stop feeling like mine again."

Shade continues rubbing my back, giving me the grounding touch I need while I force the words out. My Beta always makes the tough things feel surmountable.

"Okay, we can go see her tomorrow morning," he says without hesitation.

Emotion catches me off guard so hard I have to look away.

"That’s it?" I ask weakly.

A faint crease appears between his brows, like the question genuinely confuses him.

"Halley, your body doesn’t owe anyone anything." His thumb brushes softly along my jaw. "And you don’t owe anybody a justification for the choice either."

My eyes burn.

"I was scared the Pack would be disappointed," I admit.