Page 42 of Remember Me

“Seriously? I lift double this on the daily, Lottie. Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall,” he says, smirking down at me.

We skate around for a while and the song changes over the speakers to “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur, and I decide to take a chance. The hands I have wrapped around his neck move up into his hair and I run my fingers through the silky strands. We’re looking deeply into each other's eyes, both searching for a reason not to do this when my stomach grumbles so loud Jake laughs. Disappointment rolls through me as the moment is broken.

“Hungry by any chance?” he says over his laughter.

“I’m actually starving. I’m craving shrimp tacos big time.”

“Seriously? You’re going to look like a shrimp taco one day.”

Leaving the rink behind, Jake drives toward my house and we stop at a local Mexican restaurant. It’s the one my parents used to order from when they were in town.

Knowing I’ll never have this with them again makes my heart rate pick up, and those menacing feelings of guilt and shame wash over me once more. My nose burns as I fight the sting of tears. Luckily, Jake has already gone in to collect our food and doesn’t see me ugly crying again. I quickly wipe my eyes on my hoodie and hope to god he doesn’t notice. If he does, he doesn’t say anything as he gets back into the car. He simply hands me the goods and we head home.

I’ve demolished my tacos in record time, and whilst Jake takes Bella out for a walk, I tidy up. It’s slow going using at least one crutch, but I’m determined to do things on my own in case Jake does decide he’s had enough. I keep thinking about whether he has a girlfriend or not. He’s never mentioned anything, nor does he act like he has one, but you can never be too sure. He must at least miss partying with his friends.

While I’m alone, I decide to fire up good old Google and type in Jake Smithson— I am not in the least bit surprised by what I see. There are photos of Jake with a variety of different women, none of whom look anything like me. They’re all brunettes, all beautiful—someone like me doesn’t stand a chance. I’m glad I looked this up before I made a fool of myself later down the line. At least I know now romance is not on the cards for me, just friendship. Great. I need to get over this crush, stat!

Jake comes back in with Bella panting at his feet and sees my laptop is open.

“What are you working on?” he asks, coming close to me.

I quickly close the browser and try to act natural. “Nothing!” It comes out all high pitched and squeaky, so it’s obvious I’m hiding something, especially when my face flushes beet red.

“Okaaaaayyyy.” He’s looking at me like he’s trying to read my mind, and whatever he finds is either not there or he just decides to drop it. He heads toward the bathroom, calling out to me, “I’m just going to take a shower.”

I let out a deep sigh and drop my head back against the chair. Get a grip, Charlotte.

Chapter 30

Charlotte

The buzzing of my phone wakes me from my dream, where I have been replaying that almost kiss Jake and I shared. Then, like a bucket of ice water is dumped over my head, I remember my Google sleuthing, where I very quickly realized I am just not Jake’s type and it’s probably a good thing we didn’t get to kiss.

I still can’t help but feel saddened, though.

Luckily, Jake’s gone for a workout with his teammates and will be gone for a good part of the day. I can wallow in self-pity for a while before the girls come over for book club.

Dragging myself outside for some breakfast and journaling, I make a note of the memory I recalled yesterday, and obviously that moment we shared. I try to capture as much detail as possible to show my therapist in my next appointment.

Looking down at my watch, I realize I need to get a move on and quickly jump in the shower before the girls arrive. Kayla is the first one to turn up, and I’m actually really pleased; I need to talk to someone who isn’t related to Jake about yesterday. Pulling her quickly through the door and into the kitchen, she puffs out, “Woah, woah, woah, where’s the fire?” as she drops her Louis Vuitton bag down on the counter.

“I need to talk to someone about Jake, who's not related to him,” I tell her as I take a seat at the table, my crutches crashing down next to me. She sits across from me, looking very intrigued.

“Spill the tea, girl, tell me everything.” I’m not sure there’s a whole lot to tell, but I just need to work through my thoughts.

“So yesterday, Jake and I almost kissed,” I say, hiding behind my hair.

Her hands slam on the table, and she screeches out a, “What the fuck! This is so exciting! Oh my god, it’s happening!”

“Calm down, it was almost a kiss, the moment was shattered before it even started,” I try to hide the frustration in my voice. “But it’s probably for the best. I’m not his type, after all.”

“Wait. What makes you think that?” she asks, seeming genuinely perplexed.

“Well, I got to snooping last night while Jake took Bella out.” My eyes are downcast as I remember what I saw on the internet not so long ago.

“Hmmm, I think you’re reading this all wrong. Jake wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want to, and he certainly wouldn’t set out to hurt you. He’s a good guy.”

“I really wanted it to happen,” I admit it for the first time out loud. “I really like him, and I wanted my first kiss to be with him.”