Page 142 of Under Restless Skies

Is it that bad?

I think about my mother again, clinging to a man who never loved her enough. What was her fear? Being alone? Were the scraps of love she got worth it?

Vos falls asleep, and, for a second, I look at the little dragons and see myself and my brother—protected by Laristella. Single, but not lonely, and always there for us.

The words ring in my mind like a bell: always there for us.

Why do I only see it now? She never failed us, and yet I never allowed myself to feel anything for her other than a sliver of gratitude, my heart too corroded by pain to allow anything else.

My mother left us to find happiness because my brother and I were never enough for her. For Mallor, it was worse; we were nothing.

But Laristella was there. Always there. And I never saw it. The pit of shame grows inside me.

I look down at the sleeping dragons. Should I leave them to their grim fate, so I don’t ruin whatever I have with Alayel? Or should I do everything to protect them? Do I want to marry a man who has no compassion?

So many thoughts buzzing in my mind, and still no plan for how to get the little dragons out of here.

Plan. My heart races in my chest.

I’ve made a decision. An impossible, incredibly dangerous decision, but I’ve made it. That’s the first step.

Now I’ll figure out the how.

I’m going to save Ava and Vos—no matter the cost.

Bells ring at a distance, waking me with a start. Beside me, Vos grunts, while Ava still breathes softly, unbothered by the noise. I don’t recall falling asleep—and don’t even know what time it is.

It must be the middle of the night, but I’m not sure. For a second, it’s me and my brother again, except that this time, I’m hoping the dragons will reach me and take these hatchlings away from this place.

They could kill me, though. I should leave this room, and yet my eyes close again as my mind drifts, even though the bells keep ringing.

When I wake up again, it’s already day, and the sunholes shed more light than usual, meaning that it’s probably late. Ava stares at me, perched on a rock, while Vos drinks from the water basin.

“Little dragons, I have to go,” I whisper. “But I’ll be back.”

Vos squeaks, while Ava emits a long coo. They’re so lovely, so trusting. Trusting the person who might have condemned them to a horrible death.

No. I’ll save them.

Six guards stand between the hallway and the staircase. I’m counting now, paying attention, as I walk by them and climb the stairs as fast as I can, hoping I’m not too late for class.

When I get to my bedroom, Nelly’s leaving it.

“Mayara?” Her tone’s startled.

“Am I late?”

“I was going down to breakfast.”

I exhale, relieved that I can still make it to class. “I’ll wash and try to eat something if there’s time. Don’t wait for me.”

“All right. See you in class.” She smiles and walks away.

I grab my uniform, then go to the washing stalls where I scrub my skin to get rid of any scent of the little dragons. When I get down to the refectory, all first-year students are gone, since our classes start soon, but I feel as if there’s a hole in my stomach, so I get two apples and five loaves of bread. I devour them in a few frantic bites and run up to Katrine’s class.

The class bell rings a second before I enter the classroom, but some recruits are still taking their seats, and all Instructor Katrine does is raise an eyebrow at me as I walk to my place, even if the front table looks wrong and empty without Celine here.

Nelly gives me a tight smile, her eyes somber. There’s no question that our friend’s absence is cutting deep.