Page 57 of Under Restless Skies

He grins. “Ready to sail around the world.”

“Really?”

Kaio chuckles. “No. What a question. How do you think I’m doing? Cutting onions and carrots and shallots and cleaning gallonfish and more gallonfish and more and more and more gallonfish. It’s not like you’ve been gone for years, sis.”

“You have your room for yourself. That’s different.”

My brother runs a hand over his hair. “True. The lack of snoring has been really helping my sleep.”

“I don’t snore!” I protest.

“How would you know? You’re deep asleep.”

I shake my head, amused but also annoyed. Couldn’t he have picked a more flattering joke to say in front of Alayel? Also, he’s my little brother, and it’s been my duty to raise him and teach him good manners, and my duty shouldn’t stop now.

“Don’t lie for no reason,” I say. “When you die, Thantos is going to weigh all your lies against you. Even small, silly ones.”

Kaio grins. “I’ll be an amazing person and counterbalance that.”

“I know you will.” And I mean it. My brother looks down, as if the compliment made him embarrassed, and I change the subject. “Can I go to your bedroom? I need to pick up a few things.” I turn to Alayel. “Is it all right if I bring a bag?”

He shakes his head. “Get it ready, and a servant will pick it up tomorrow. It will be easier.”

I want to say that it’s not necessary, but maybe he doesn’t want me carrying a bulky bag for dinner, so in the end I just nod and get up. “I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.” Alayel’s tone is warm and friendly. “It’s my chance to get to know your brother.”

Kaio makes a subtle grimace, not looking too enthusiastic about the idea, but I feel at ease leaving them for a few minutes. It’s odd to think that I might not climb this rickety ladder several times a day or that I’ll no longer be sick of the gallonfish smell.

Upstairs, the room is the same—and different, like a piece of clothing that suddenly doesn’t fit anymore. The beds are in the same position, except that Kaio’s is disarranged. I consider chiding him, but he could have been lying down when we got here. There are also some maps and books on it. Numbers. He’s working hard on getting good at counting. From below, I hear him telling Alayel about his dream of traveling. While I can’t discern all the words, his excitement is unmistakable—and makes my heart sing.

My belongings are still stuffed in the box where I left them. So little: clothes, earrings, headbands, some necklaces, underwear. An extra pair of shoes. Nothing fancy, nothing impressive. I place it all in a satchel.

A corked bottle catches my eye. Golden oil. I still recall Laristella gifting it to me, then admonishing me never to forget it. I had only gone to the beach once with Marcus. At that point, all we did was hold hands. Laristella’s suggestion mortified me, and I wanted to disappear when she explained how to use it, and what would happen if I lay down with Marcus. The thought was horrifying, and yet, in a few months, I used it for the first time.

The memory is awkward. Sand, grass, sweat, grunts, pain, pleasure.

Will I need this oil now? I close my eyes and imagine Alayel inside me, but the image dissipates when I recall his crass words. Who knows? Maybe insanity will take me and I’ll find myself naked, legs spread for him, yelling Your Highness. The absurdity of the thought makes me chuckle. Regardless, I recall Laristella’s words: Take it. Better to have it and not use it than to lose control and not have it, then end up pregnant. I suppose I’ll heed her words.

I throw the contraceptive oil in my satchel. The truth is that I’ll be in the academy for a long time. Perhaps I wasn’t sure when I left, but now I know.

I also take most of my coin, but put it in the small purse I’m carrying.

It’s final. I’m leaving, and I take one last look around me. The room is bigger and much nicer than what I have in the academy, and yet the low ceiling still feels like it’s going to crush me.

But it won’t.

Downstairs, I leave my satchel on the bench by the door, then I sit at the small table and turn to my brother.

“You were telling Alayel about your plans?”

Kaio looks down and runs a finger over the edge of the wooden table. “My dreams. Who knows…”

“Kaio.” I touch his chin gently and lift his head. “You are going to be an apprentice. I swear.”

He shrinks his shoulders as if trying to make himself smaller. “Laristella said I should wait at least two years.”

“Two years is not never!” I tap his wrist softly. “And you’re still young.”