Page 111 of Hard to Get

“Oh man.”

“Yeah. When she married Brian, we moved into his house in Surrey. It was nicer than the crappy house we had, but we had to change schools. And a few years later, we had to move out.”

“You said she’s been married four times?”

“Yeah. Including my dad.” She expels a protracted breath. “She didn’t get much in the divorce from Brian, because they weren’t married long. So it was back to being broke. I was about seventeen then. Mom met Shawn only a few months after she and Brian broke up. Same story. At least they stayed together until I was finished school, and moved out on my own. Into another crappy place. Which I shared with Gracie.”

“Good for you.”

“Then it was Randy. Mom ended up with the house in Burnaby after that. I’ve had to help with some bills sometimes, but she’s doing okay now.”

Probably when she didn’t have much herself. I’ve given my parents money, too, after I signed my first NHL contract, but that’s different.

“She just doesn’t like to be single. That last divorce was a couple of years ago. She’s been looking for another man ever since.”

“I think it might not be Jason.”

She huffs out a laugh. “I think you’re right.” She pauses, and when she speaks, her voice is constricted. “I hate it so much that she’s like that.”

“I’m sorry.” I press my hand flat to her stomach.

“And as for my dad…”

“What?”

“Never mind. I don’t want to get all gloomy about my messed-up family.”

“It’s okay. Talk to me. I want to listen.”

She’s very still and doesn’t speak for a moment, then once again lets out a long breath. “I worry that he’s still gambling. Still has money issues.”

“Does he ask you for money?”

“No. He never has. When my business really started making money, I asked if he was okay and he said yeah. He’d gone to a rehab program and I hoped that helped him. But when Wendy was mad that he hadn’t given any money to Harrison for the wedding, I got this uneasy feeling.”

“Shit.”

“He’s my dad.” Her voice catches. “I’d do almost anything for him, or for my mom. I have money now; I can help them. But I remember what I learned at Gam-Anon.”

“That’s great you did that.”

“It helped. One thing I learned is that if I gave him money and he was still gambling, I’d be enabling his addiction. Also, they teach you that addiction is an illness. I was really angry at him, but you don’t get mad at someone for getting cancer. So I had to think of it that way. It helped deal with how angry I was. And I learned I couldn’t control the gambler. My dad. I could only control myself and my life.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for listening.”

“Any time. I’m always here for you.” I breathe in. And out. “Will you tell me about Cole?”

“I did tell you about him.”

“Did you love him?” My heart suspends beating as I wait for her answer.

After a brief pause, she replies, “I thought I loved him, but now I’m not really sure. I think it was more about the idea of him than who he really was.” She shifts in my arms, rolling to face me. Her face is in shadows but her eyes glow. I run my thumb over her pouty bottom lip. “It’s kind of embarrassing, but remember that I felt both my parents had abandoned me. I didn’t even date in high school. In university, I went out with a couple of guys but I never let myself care too much. One guy was from China and I knew he was going home when he graduated so there was never any question that we’d end up together long-term. Another guy had just broken up with his girlfriend and wasn’t over her. I had a knack for dating guys who weren’t really available.” She huffs out a wry laugh. “For me, love meant disappointment and rejection, so someone distant felt safer.”

I duck my chin in understanding.

“Then I met Cole. I was twenty-four. He pursued me. And I loved it.”