Page 114 of Hard to Get

“I do like you a little more than originally planned,” I admit.

“But what if I want more?”

My eyes sting and my vision blurs. “I… don’t know what to say.”

He studies me with shadowed eyes and a furrowed brow. “I think I should go.”

I want to protest, but how can I beg him to stay when I just told him I can’t fall in love with him? That’s not fair to him.

But fuck, it hurts.

So I give a tiny nod.

He gets out of bed with jerky movements and finds his clothes. I sit up and clutch the duvet in fists, my heart thrashing like a racoon caught in a trap. When I move to get out of bed, too, he slashes a hand at me.

“Stay in bed,” he says gruffly. “I know my way out.”

I bend my legs up, wrap my arms around them, and press my face into my knees. I hear him jog downstairs, then speak softly to the dogs. Moments later, my front door alarm chimes when he opens it and lets himself out.

My eyes burn. I squeeze them shut. Then the bed moves and they fly open. I see Betty standing there looking at me with her downturned mouth and wrinkles slanted over her eyes as if she’s distressed. I swear her expression is sadder than usual.

I pull her into my arms and cuddle her. “Maybe you are sad,” I murmur into her fur. “You like him, too, don’t you? And Frank. I’m sorry, Betty. I don’t know what’s happening.” A few tears drop onto her pale fur. She licks my face. “I love you, Betty. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I wake up in the morning feeling like I drank a three-liter bottle of Crown Royal last night. My chest aches and my entire body feels heavy. Maybe I’m getting the flu.

Too bad I have to go to the gift opening at Meredith’s parents’ place. I do not want to force myself to be happy and smile and laugh around a bunch of people. I want to lie face down on my bed for several hours and then eat a bag of potato chips as big as a Glad garbage bag.

I make it through the gathering, exclaiming over the wedding gifts, helping serve brunch and clean up. Keeping myself busy is good. I check in on Mom. She showed up even though she’s probably embarrassed. She hasn’t heard from Jason and I can see she’s dejected about that. At least she’s not sobbing in her bed, as I’ve seen in the past. I wish I could talk to her about Jayden, but she’s got her own problems and also I don’t think she’d understand. I’ll talk to my girls about it. Which reminds me to send a text to the group chat asking to convene ASAP.

I’m happy/relieved to walk into my condo later that afternoon. I sit on the floor to greet Betty. More tears spring up as I rub her and cuddle her and coo to her.

The Orcas have a game tonight, here at home against Calgary. Usually, Jayden would text me and I’d wish him luck and I would watch the game. But I haven’t heard from him today.

I still watch the game.

First, I take Betty for her walk. The cold, drizzly weather doesn’t help my mood. When I get back, I change into a pair of pink and white striped PJ pants and a big, pink hoodie. I gather up the bag of chips I bought on the way home, a bottle of wine and a glass, and my phone, and carry them up to my bedroom, where I snuggle under the covers to watch the game. Betty joins me, curling into a tight ball pressed against my hip.

“I love you, Betty.” I give her a rub.

In between hockey, my friends are texting.

Gracie

What’s wrong Stell

Stella

I’m not sure but it’s possible that Jayden and I have broken up

Alexis

No!

Lauren

WTF

Gracie