Page 41 of Hard to Get

“So if you’re okay with keeping things casual and having fun… we can… do that.”

Why am I so rattled by this conversation? Why did I change the plan?

“I can do that,” he says slowly.

“Okay! Good!” A smile breaks free. “Good.”

“Yeah. Good.”

I look down at the pale sand and push some around with the toe of my runner as a complex set of emotions twists inside me. Relief. Guilt. Frustration with myself. Relief.

Pieces of shells are everywhere and I study one perfect, intact clam shell, then lift my gaze to the bay. Water meets sky in a hazy horizon of wispy clouds, mountains rising on one side, numerous freighters anchored in the bay waiting to be loaded at the port.

“So,” I say. “What do you like to do on your days off? Do you do a lot of bike rides like this?”

“Not a lot,” he admits. “But I enjoy it. I feel like I hardly ever have a whole day off to do whatever I want.”

I tilt my head. “What keeps you busy?”

“Working out, obviously. Sometimes treatment, massage. I also do some volunteer work.”

I nod. I know most hockey players are involved in some kind of community volunteering. “Where do you volunteer?”

“It’s a group called Best Men. It’s a national organization and they have programs in a bunch of cities.”

“I haven’t heard of it. What’s their mission?”

“Basically to get men and boys involved in trying to end gender-based violence.”

I blink. “Oh.” I did not expect that.

“I do some speaking at some of their workshops, especially ones where boys’ sports teams come to learn. It seems to carry weight when they hear it from a hockey player.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure. That’s really great.”

“It’s fun, too,” he says with an unassuming shrug.

“What kinds of things do you talk about?” I’m deeply curious about this.

“Well, yesterday, we talked about bystander intervention. We talk about consent. How to have healthy relationships with people. Women. Well, no, not always just women. Dating partners.” He glances at me. “Sometimes, there are queer people in the group.”

“Right.” I’m a little blown away by this. “I really admire that.”

“Thanks.”

He doesn’t seem overly eager to talk more about it. I’m not sure why. He should be proud of it.

“How about you?” he asks. “How do you keep busy outside of work?”

“Oh, lots of things.” I turn my face into the sun. “I run and workout a few times a week. Pilates. Sometimes, I go to yoga classes with my girlfriends. We go to this yoga class on the beach when the weather’s good.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah. I hang out with my friends. Of course I have Betty.” I pause. “Last year, I took a course on growing orchids.”

“Orchids? A whole class?”

“Yes. It was fun. I love flowers and growing things. That was what sold me on the condo I bought—it has a little front yard so I’ll be able to grow more things in pots and have an outdoor seating area.”