Page 36 of Afterglow

Not really. I have a big conference next week though, so I’ll work from home to finalize everything.

Really hoping that excuse will fly for skipping yet another family dinner on Sunday…

Me

Good luck with that.

Speaking of family dinners. I’m going over to Alex and Delia’s tonight… Becca’s parents.

She doesn’t respond right away, and I stare at my phone, waiting for the bubbles to pop up. The stretch of those moments allows the doubts I’ve been feeling about telling them to creep back in. I’ve told myself they’ll be okay with this. Becca has assured me they’ll be happy for me. But it feels like a lot to ask of them after their own loss.

The dancing dots eventually appear, pulling me away from those thoughts. But they quickly disappear again, then reappear. This continues for several more minutes, and nerves tingle in my fingers.

Does she think it’s too soon to tell them? I know it’s early, but I don’t like having secrets from them and I know Becca doesn’t either.

Leanne

Are you going to tell them?

Me

I was planning on it. Is that okay?

Please say yes… If I back out now, it’ll be much harder to build up my confidence again.

Leanne

Yeah, sure.

Me

That’s not very convincing, blondie.

Leanne

It’s fine. I just wish I felt as ready to tell my family as you do.

Me

I can wait.

Maybe I should?

Leanne

No, don’t. It’s fine.

I’ve got to get back to work.

I groan. That feels like it could’ve gone better.

I switch over to the chat I have with Becca.

Me

Is it a bad idea to tell them tonight? Too soon? What if something happens?

This is a fear I’ve been grappling with more and more over the past week since seeing the ultrasound, since having my hand on Leanne’s stomach and telling her how badly I want this. I know the statistics of miscarriages in the first trimester. I know the risks are higher for women over thirty-five.