Page 66 of Reckless Desires

When she finally leaves, I step into the bathtub full of steaming hot water. The prickles along my skin feel good. All I wanted was to be back home in my bubble, but since coming back it just doesn’t feel right anymore. None of those girls will get to sit in a clean, cozy bathtub or have towels fresh out of the dryer. When I close my eyes, all I see are them in cages, and I can’t get the smell or sounds out of my head. It’s another form of torture altogether.

SERAFINA

I slowly open the door to Lily’s room, holding my homecoming dress. My sister’s sense of style is impeccable, and unlike my mom, Lily has always encouraged me to explore different trends even though she’s vocal about the ones she isn’t a fan of. I know our older sisters think Lily is judgmental, but I don’t see it that way. Once Stasia and Selene were out of the house, Lily and I became closer, and I learned Lily gives more of that tough love.

When I hear her crying from inside the bathroom, I stop at the door. She’s been crying all week. Mom says Lily and her recent guy split up, but I don’t believe it for a second. When Gavin broke up with her, it was different. Lily mopped around and watched sad movies. This isn’t a heartbreak; it’s something else, something more daunting. My phone buzzes and it’s Stasia checking in.

Stasia:

How’s she doing today?

Normally, I’d fill her in on what is going on here, but I’ve been telling her and Selene how worried I am about Lily. The only advice they give is just to be there for Lily but give her space to clear her head. They clearly know what’s going on, but instead of telling me, they just dance around it, and since they refuse to come to the house, I just find them to be useless.

Come find out for yourself. You don’t get to check in but refuse to be present.

Putting the phone back into my back pocket, I turn away from the bathroom door. When my phone rings, I jump.

“Shit,” I blurt out, pulling out my phone to see it’s Stasia calling, but I just hit the ignore button as I try to dash out of the room.

“Serafina?” Lily’s voice travels softly with a tone of defeat.

Turning back around, there’s Lily at the door of the bathroom, holding a towel around herself. Despite her red, puffy eyes, she forces a smile.

“Is everything okay?” She notices the dress. “Is that your homecoming dress?”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” I reply with a gulp. “I figured I’d wait for you to finish your bath. I’ll come back.”

“Don’t be silly.” She steps into the room. Her hair is wet and dripping. “You’re never bothering me. Is this the one you ordered online? The mermaid-looking one?”

I nod, part of me feeling guilty for cutting into whatever mourning she’s going through, but the other part of me is happy she seems thrilled to see the dress.

“This is the one Mom picked.” I let out a deep breath as I pull the garment bag off. “I got home from school last week and found this in my room. Mom thinks this is the one—prom queen material.”

Lily laughs. “You know Mom. She was prom queen, and she’s over the moon with this stuff.”

“It’s a lot of pressure,” I confess. “If I don’t win, I’ll be the only Andretti who wasn’t crowned prom queen.”

She sits on her bed, nodding her head. “I still don’t know how Stasia won. She actively tried not to win. But once she got crowned, Mom made it a mission for the rest of us to follow.” Examining the dress on the hanger that I’m holding up in front of me, she shakes her head. “Not sure how I feel about this shade of plum on you. But let’s see the style.”

Quickly, I begin to undress and shimmy into this dress. Pretty sure it’s a size smaller than normal, which is Mom’s kind way of saying I need to lose a few. Lily helps me zip up and walks me over to her floor-length mirror with a little platform to step on.

It is a beautiful dress, but it isn’t… me. When I make eye contact with Lily in the mirror, she’s crying.

“Sorry, Serafina,” she sniffles. “You look beautiful.”

I crack a smile. “I feel like you’re saying that but don’t mean it. Come on, tell me what you really think.”

Another forced smile appears. “It doesn’t matter what I think. If you love it, then so do I.”

Turning toward her, I ask, “Lily. Can you tell me what happened? Why are you so sad?”

“Boy problems.” She waves it off. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I am worried,” I confess. “Mom, Stasia, and Selene all tell me to give you space, but… I miss you.”

She yanks me into a hug, her arms wrapped tightly around me. “I’m right here. You don’t need to give me space. I just haven’t been feeling like myself lately.”

“Maisie and I can key his car. Whoever broke your heart.”