Page 105 of A Really Bad Idea

“Why would he do that?”

“Because I want a child, and he’s a good man who wants to make that happen for me. For himself.”

His focus roams over the black and white tiles on the floor as he processes what I’ve told him. “This isn’t Mario Kart. You don’t get the magic bullet and zip through the race to land in first.”

I raise a finger. “Don’t compare my life to a Nintendo game.”

“You will ruin his life.”

I flinch at his words. “What?”

“You make terrible decisions, and it costs everyone else. You dated that hockey player we all hated, and we had to sit and bear his dirty jokes and aggressive attitude.” His words spit through his teeth.

“Why does everything come back to Brock?”

“Because we hated him, and you married him anyway. He ruined every holiday, not to mention Dylan’s christening.”

He’s right. Brock drank way too much and got into a fight with Beth’s cousin because he thought the guy was checking me out.

“I know; you hate him. Can you please quit it with the digs and whispered animosity?” I say, crossing my arms in front of my body as his hands are over his face, rubbing down.

Brian exclaims, “You eloped.” He says the words like they’re a curse with a taste of bile building in his mouth.

Suddenly, I can finally pinpoint the moment my brother decided he couldn’t be around me.

“You’ve been like this ever since I married Brock. I get it; eloping isn’t something you would do. It’s too spontaneous and fun.”

“It broke their hearts. You didn’t even give Dad the chance to walk you down the aisle. They had to throw you a fake wedding a month later, so they could celebrate their daughter’s terrible choice in a husband. You weren’t there to see how disappointed they were, and then we all had to drop our lives when he cheated, just like we knew he would.”

“My failed marriage is my fault?”

“It was the cherry on top of the bad-decision sundae of your life. Every boyfriend you’ve ever had has been a loser.”

“Then, you should be ecstatic I’m with Christian.” My voice dramatically rises, as do my arms.

“According to you, you’re not together. You’re just using him as a sperm donor.”

His words hit me in the gut.

If we weren’t in the maternity ward of a hospital, I’d kick the wall, but I have way too much respect for the lives that are created in these very halls to tarnish it. “How come Beth was supportive, and you can’t even find the silver lining?”

He looks like he was just slapped in the face. “Beth knows about this?”

“I had to tell someone, and I chose her because, apparently, my brother doesn’t know how not to be a dick.” I continue, “I know I’m flawed. I’m also well aware I’ve made some poor choices in the past, and trust me, I’ve paid for them. Despite my broken heart, I still believe in love. I want the happily ever after. I want what you and Beth have.”

“You want my life?” he asks with genuine surprise laced on his face.

“Yeah. Who wouldn’t? You’re crazy about your wife, and she is wild about you. I don’t know why sometimes. It must be the sex swing.”

He drops his shoulders and rolls his head, probably cursing his wife for spilling the beans.

I put him out of his misery. “You’re a great husband, Brian, and an amazing father. You did good. Your life is awesome. Your marriage is something most people dream about, and your kids are … God, I love them more than you and Beth could ever comprehend. I want that, too. All of it.”

“Then, why are you settling?”

“You think it’s settling. I think it’s finally getting my all. It took me a long time to realize you can’t have it all unless you redefine what all is. I desperately want a child, and I won’t settle for some man to make it happen. That’s why, when I told Christian I planned on freezing my eggs, he offered to have a baby with me.”

With his hands on his hips, Brian leans in and asks like he just can’t believe it, “This was his idea?”