Page 61 of Body of Trust

I open the refrigerator for … I don’t even know. When I do, I’m shocked to see it’s filled. Milk, orange juice, bread, eggs, fresh fruit, and even the ginger beer I like for my Moscow mules. I close the door and open the cupboard, smiling when I see a copper mug.

He bought things that I like. It’s so thoughtful, considering how little time he had to make this happen.

I’m such a fool.

A great man entered my life, and I questioned him when it mattered most. I ran from him actually. If he had done that to me, I would have been livid. I ran, and he knew exactly where to find me because he listens.

Do I even listen to him?

Words he’s said sing inside of me.

“… I’m fucking crazy about you! You’re all I think about.… The moment your life was threatened, I was destined to save it.”

“It’s you and me, Amelia. Just us.”

“I don’t know what will happen to us when this is over.”

I walk into the living room and stare at his mother’s painting. The theft of it is a sweet and impossibly sad action. Connection to family means everything to this man, even when he’s risking his life to protect others.

Who protects him?

He said he’d take a bullet for me. He deserves a woman who would do the same for him.

I head into the bedroom and see the steam from the shower wafting out the bathroom door. I walk into the bathroom and close the door behind me.

I can’t see him through the shower curtain, but I know he hears as I unzip my jeans and undress.

Naked, I push back the curtain and step inside the tub. Jesse’s back is to me. His arm is on the tiled wall in front of him, bracing his body, and he lets the hot water pummel over his head.

I rest a hand on his back. He doesn’t flinch.

The water cascades down his back, hitting my fingertips and running over my skin. Slowly, I move my hand up his spine and rest it between his shoulder blades and down, tenderly rubbing his back.

My hand rises with his body as he breathes deeply, letting the tension go.

He stands up straight, running his fingers through his hair, pushing it back. I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him from behind. My cheek is against his skin, and my hands are buried in his chest and torso.

A wise man once told me the way to win a game of poker is to know your opponents’ tells. Jesse can’t hide his sadness. Not with his eyes, his posture, or his heavy breaths. The reason he can’t hide from me is because he’s never wanted to.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “You said to never apologize, but I owe you one. I shaded you today. The shock of seeing my father and the fear of everything that’d happened blinded me. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust you.”

His stomach muscles tighten beneath my hands.

I lift my head and speak into the back of his, “I don’t know why I did what I did today because the God’s honest truth is, you’re the only person I actually do trust. More than my parents, my friends, myself. I trust you with my life, Jesse, and that thought is powerful. I’ve never felt like this for someone before. I let my own insecurities get in the way of all the good you’re doing. Because that’s what you are. You’re good. Everyone should have a heart as pure as yours. And a smile as bright as the one that graces your lips. You have a way of making me laugh like no one else, and I feel so damn safe at the same time. You calm me and help me think clearly. And I’m failing you because I don’t know how to be that person for you.”

He turns around, and my heart jolts.

He’s crying, but it’s not a sobbing mess of tears. No, Jesse Davenport cries with his soul. His blue gaze is glass-like and red-rimmed while his mouth is downturned. The touch of his hands on my arms as he runs them up and down even has a sadness to them.

“I don’t know how else to ask you,” he breathes.

“For your trust? You have it. I swear to you, from now on, I will never falter in my conviction. Teach me how to live in your world.”

He closes his eyes. “All you have to do is believe.”

“In what?”

“Us, Amelia. I’ve only ever asked for you to believe in us. That means, you have to trust me. More importantly, you have to trust yourself.”