Page 108 of Pure Abandon

“What?” I ask.

His jaw shifts from side to side before his hand rises to rub his jaw and swipes over his mouth, coming to rest on his glass. “You know, when I came down the stairs just now, I saw this beautiful woman enter the hotel lobby. She was the most gorgeous thing I ever saw in my life. It made me stop and catch my breath. I actually followed her in here to buy her a drink, and I get here and she is… you.” Gabriel laughs at his idiocy and takes a swig of his whisky.

I don’t know if I should be flattered or disappointed by his words. At least he’s still here having a drink with me. “That reminds me of this guy I once met. You see, we were at this bar in Maryland. He had this beautiful wavy dark hair and navy-blue eyes. I waited for him every day after class to ask me for my name, and each day I refused, secretly hoping he’d be back there the next day.”

Gabriel let out a shy smile at the memory. “I came back everyday, hoping to learn your name. I fell in-love with you on those walks.” His eyes lit up. “When I saw you, that night, in the bar, my life changed forever.”

“I threw that game of beer pong just so you would take me on that date,” I finally admit. It’s been an ongoing joke between us that Gabriel knew I wanted him as soon as I walked through the door. He’s right. He was always right.

“I knew it!” His face shoots up in surprise.

I can feel the crinkle around my eyes from smiling. “Doesn’t matter, though, because we didn’t have to wait until that date.” I looked him right in the eyes. “We were so hot for each other we walked right out of that bar and almost didn’t make it out of the cab.”

Gabriel takes a final swig of his whiskey and lets out a deep grunt, stands up, and takes his wallet out to pay for the drinks. “It was the best day of my life. Please don’t ruin it.”

Still sitting at the bar, I continue, still caught in the memory. “The next day, he made me these terrible pancakes because he wanted to impress me. As much as he wanted to do something nice for me, I knew I would spend the rest of my life doing everything I could to make him happy. But you see, I failed him.”

Gabriel’s body is tense. He looks like he’s about to leave but stands there as I speak, his back half to me as he holds on to the back of the barstool he just rose from.

“When he proposed, he promised to share my dreams, but I never did the same for him. He took a job he was brilliant at yet secretly hated, all so he could provide an amazing life for me and his son. I took it for granted. I thought I wanted more, yet I had everything I wanted. I forgot to give him what he needed.”

“And what did he need?” he asks over his shoulder.

“Support,” I say.

Gabriel runs his hand down his face and holds his mouth for a second, as if trying to think of the right thing to say. He turns back toward me, placing both hands on the barstool. “Kat, it’s not all your fault. I know I’m not supposed to say this. My lawyer would kill me if he heard me say this, but I was a shitty husband. I wasn’t listening when you said you were unhappy and I certainly wasn’t as affectionate as I used to be. I just… I got so damn tired.”

He took his wallet off the bar and put it in his back pocket. “I am so damn tired, Kat. This is not what I pictured our life to be. I swear to you I planned it out differently. The truth is we both screwed this up. I drove you into his arms.”

I have to pull my mouth up from the floor. I wasn’t prepared for him to take the blame. I don’t know how I feel about that.

“And listen.” He continues. “As much as I still hate you for doing it, with Malory torturing you and Becca… Oh, that’s another story. Let’s just say you were right about that girl. She definitely thought I was sending her signals that weren’t there. Maybe I was. I can’t say I entirely blame you.”

“Gabriel, please. I hate myself so much right now I can’t bear the thought of you thinking this has anything to do with you being at fault.” I lower my head.

Running his hand through his hair, he says, “Listen, it’s late. I’m going to head up. Do you mind if I take Jack for the day? I miss him so much.”

I look up to see pain in his eyes. I shake my head in disagreement. He shifts back, but I clarify. “Why don’t you go home and spend the night in your bed? You’ll be there when Jackson wakes up. I’ll stay here.” I open my bag and take out my set of keys. I place them in his palm and close his fingers. “You should go and be with your son.”

Gabriel’s eyes relax, and I see a calming and almost appreciative tone in them. A hint of that Robert Redford grin I fell in love with makes an appearance. “Thank you,” he murmurs, handing me his room key.

He tells me his room number and to help myself to anything from room service. I have no choice but to watch as he turns on his heel and heads out through the lobby.

All dressed up and nowhere to go, Cinderella retires to her tower for the night.

I make my way up to Gabriel’s room and unlock the door. The room is spacious and elegantly decorated, yet it’s nowhere for a man to call home, even if it is only temporary. There is a large canopy bed in the middle made of rich mahogany with luscious cream-and-red paisley bedding. I stroll over to the mini bar and take out a bottle of water from the inventory.

The TV sits on a dresser in the corner, yet I have no desire to turn it on. I just let my beautiful husband walk out the door and I didn’t even put up a proper fight. In fact, I let him feel like shit about himself. Why didn’t I say something more? I should have told him about the night Jackson was born. How scared I was, yet he was right by my side, comforting me, encouraging me the entire time. And how, when we brought him home, I was so scared of being a new mom and he assured me we would learn to do this together. I never doubted how I’d be as a mom because Gabriel was by my side.

I should have told him about that time we backpacked through Europe and missed our train. We didn’t know whether we had to sleep in a hostel or in a car or in a park. I didn’t care because he was always ready with a plan and never faltered to protect us.

Or the night before our wedding when the DJ called with the flu and cancelled on us. He said it didn’t matter if there was silence because we had our entire lives to dance. All he wanted to do was marry me. I have a thousand stories I should have told him, but I didn’t.

My pity party is disrupted by a knock at the door. I place the bottle of water on the dresser and make my way toward the door. My heart melts seeing him standing in my doorway.

Gabriel’s right arm is stretched up against the doorframe. I can feel his weight swaying toward me as I open the door. He stands there, looking down at me with sheer determination.

“Did you forget something?” I ask.