Page 71 of Pure Abandon

And it will be… after I call Gabriel. I just need to hear his voice and I’ll know. Know what I’m not sure.

“Hey.” He picks up sounding his usual self. My stomach is in knots, torn between my brain and my heart. Just hearing him on the other end reminds me I’m crazy and this is all a misunderstanding.

“You left early this morning.” My voice breaks. Gabriel can hear it on the other end.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, sounding distracted. I can imagine him sitting at his desk with his sleeves rolled up and going through a thousand-page deposition in front of him.

“I miss you, Gabriel. I really miss you.” Tears threaten to escape my eyes.

“Miss me? Kat, what’s going on?” He’s worried.

“Yes. I need to talk to you. Tonight. Promise we’ll talk?” I plead.

“Of course.” He promises. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

Just hearing his voice quiets the irrational voice inside my head that’s making me go crazy.

“It’s better now.” It is. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” His voice is sincere.

I hang up feeling much better.

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I swallow my insecurities and gain my composure. Wiping under my eyes to make sure they’re not smudged, I turn my head to the doorway to see Erik standing there clad in his signature black. “What can I do for you?”

“I came by to pick up the final production notes.” He’s holding a black leather satchel and an iPhone in hand.

“I’m still finalizing my packet for the event.” Was I supposed to have it ready? We just had a meeting yesterday. He knows where I am in production.

Erik looks displeased. It’s an odd reaction from someone who has been over-the-top welcoming to me.

“Kat, we have to talk about your performance here. You are constantly behind, and with the tight deadline we’re on, it makes me question whether you’re able to handle the job on your own.” His eyes are laced with disappointment.

“I didn’t know I was behind,” I nervously reply. I’ve been working really hard and am on top of all of my work.

I shuffle through the files on my desk, eager to show Erik the progress I’ve made, substantial progress. Haven’t I? The vendors have been contacted and contracts written up. I still haven’t finalized a few things, but that can be done next week.

My rundown is still in flux, but Gretchen has added some sequencing issues as per the talents’ time requirements in their contracts. So, I still have a lot of work to do there.

Malory has been reviewing the elements in the broadcast and the sponsorship inserts. I don’t have those complete either.

There is still a back-and-forth going on about the set. The site survey was great. That woman… Oh, what was her name…? Claudia! Yes, Claudia. We were going over logistics and she was answering my questions, but then I… left… with Asher.

Harvey and I have gone over the speeches and I still have to write a few more inserts in the copy.

I pause at the thought. I am really far behind. I immediately feel deflated. The roller coaster of emotions I’ve been feeling the past few weeks is really taking a toll on me. How can I go from high to low so fast? It makes the lows feel even… lower.

“Erik,” I say. He’s patiently waiting for me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know my notes were due already. There are still another three weeks.”

I bite my lip and wait for a response. I can’t stand the look of disappointment on his face. Please, don’t let him fire me.

“Richard and I are heading over to Lincoln Center to discuss camera placement and lighting. I expect those reports finalized and on my desk by end of day Friday.” He turns to leave and then stops and sighs.

“I have high hopes for you. Friday.” It’s a command more than a compliment. With two taps on the door, he leaves.

I look around at the papers on my desk, trying to figure out how I let so much get by me. It wasn’t that long ago I was the go-to gal, the one you could rely on, who picked up everyone else’s pieces. I came here two months ago with that same attitude and fresh ideas. Then I got distracted letting my head get away from me.

And, I know exactly where it’s been.