Page 27 of Exacting Vengeance

The shock of learning Alex Tarankov was an FBI agent had begun to ease some, but there were other impacts she hadn’t had the chance to consider. His and the FBI’s presence in her life again dredged up all her old insecurities. There was now someone in her present life who knew about her past.

“I’m such an idiot,” she whispered, staring up at the ceiling. She should have seen Kyle for who––and what––he really was. What it solidly confirmed was that she had absolutely no judgment whatsoever where men were concerned.

The room began to spin and she swallowed, taking in deep gulps of air. Throwing up twice in one day would be a humiliating reminder of truths she couldn’t avoid.

Over the years, she’d become a good actress. She’d thought she was stronger, that she was past most of the ugliness that had been her life. Some days, she actually believed it. Other days, it seemed like an act, and that inside she was still the same person who couldn’t stand up for herself.

Suck it up and stop being what you hate most. A coward.

If only Kyle’s presence didn’t leave her feeling exposed, helpless, and unsure again. If she lost control of her own life, she’d never be able to help others, and that was her job. Helping people like Aly. It had been all she could to bottle up her fears during the meeting. There was no one she could talk to about it. No one knew who she’d been, except…

Don’t think it!

Despite the fact Kyle was the only person who had ever made her comfortable enough to speak her mind, good, bad or ugly, she could never talk to him. Once, she’d stupidly believed there was something between them.

She touched her fingers to her lips, remembering.

Nope. Don’t go there, either!

The bottom line was, her entire world was unraveling at light speed. The fragile shell of self-assurance and self-respect she’d fought so hard to build was on the verge of shattering, and all because of Special Agent Kyle Gates. She clenched her hands into tight fists. There had to be a way to fix this.

A knock sounded on the other side of her door. Slowly, the door opened a few inches, and Tracee poked her head inside. “Someone’s here to see you. An FBI agent. He’s waiting in reception. Do you want me to bring him in?”

“No need,” a deep voice said from behind her.

The door opened fully. Victoria’s heart galloped as the subject of her thoughts stared back at her.

“Victoria, we need to talk.”

Her next breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t tear her gaze away from his mesmerizing eyes. She could actually feel it again—that raw power and magnetism. As it had been then, it was a force she had to resist. The only difference now, was that for her, it was a force to be feared.

“Victoria,” he repeated in a low, rumbly voice. “I did recognize you.”

She’d thought so, but was she the same person now or a different person entirely? Right at this moment, all she knew for certain was all-consuming confusion.

There’d been a time when Kyle’s was the only face she’d wanted to see, dreamed of seeing. For years, she wondered and worried about his fate and why he’d never come to see her at the hospital. Now, after finally reappearing in her life, all she wanted was for him to go away and never see him again.

No, that was a lie. She did want to see him, but she shouldn’t.

Looking back, his deception had been absolute, final, severing all ties to her heart. Today, it sliced through her as sharply as a surgeon’s blade, as did the bitter truth.

He’d only been using her to get to her husband. Her ex-husband, now.

That façade of genuine caring he’d once shown her was nothing more than a deceptive cloak he threw over himself as easily as putting on a jacket. The humiliating facts were staring her in the face. Everything he’d said, everything he’d done, had been part of his undercover role.

He’d never really felt anything for her. She’d been nothing more than a job to him, and probably only an object of his pity.

“May I come in?” he asked in that deep, sensual, bedroom voice she remembered. Not in the bedroom, though. Theirs had never been a sexual relationship. In many ways, she’d thought it had been deeper, more meaningful, which was precisely why finding out about him hurt so much more than she could ever have imagined.

“Uh, Vic?” Tracee glanced over her shoulder at him, frowning. “Do you want me to throw him out?”

The thought of Tracee, who was at least a foot shorter than Kyle, forcing him to go anywhere nearly made her laugh. Those powerful shoulders could probably break through a concrete wall.

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s fine. He can stay.” This conversation was inevitable, and she might as well get it over with.

“You sure?” Tracee shot Kyle a look intended to be menacing. He glanced down at her, a corner of his mouth twitching.

“Yes, I’m sure.” She nodded. “But thank you for the concern.”