Page 45 of The Forever Christmas Tree

He nodded.

“I pictured you there, at UNC. With Beth Anne. Living in married housing or something. The perfect little family.”

He made a scoffing sound. “Never left Bell Cove.”

“And the baby? You said your daughter doesn’t have MS, but is her handicap related to Beth Anne’s condition?”

He bristled.

Something she’d said must have hit a sore spot.

“Cassie was born with some hip complications. They can be corrected with surgery, and she’s already had six of those, but the problem is that she’s a growing child, her bones are still developing. It’s best to wait till she’s sixteen, or reached her full growth, before doing a full-blown hip replacement. After that, she would ideally need only two or three more operations over a lifetime. Otherwise, she can lead a normal life. I don’t like to think of her as handicapped.” He glanced over at her sheepishly, realizing he’d probably overreacted by over-explaining.

So, that’s how she’d offended him, with the word handicap? “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be insensitive. It’s obvious how much you love your daughter, Ethan.”

“I do. More than I ever imagined caring for another human being.”

Including me? she wondered, but what she said was, “Even having to give up your dream of becoming a vet?”

He combed his fingers through his hair, which was damp from the mist off the water, while he sought the right answer. “The thing about dreams is they’re not real. I probably wasn’t meant to be an animal doctor, and I would have discovered that along the way if Cassie hadn’t come along.”

“You’re not saying that you shifted your dream to that of your father and grandfather?” That was too much of a stretch for Wendy to accept. Growing up, Ethan had hated tree farming, and especially the obsession the males in his family had with developing an Outer Banks Christmas tree.

“Hardly. I still hate digging in the dirt, mucking about in fertilizers, picking off bugs, the constant pruning, but I discovered that I have a knack for business and sales.”

“Actually, I knew that, as of this morning. Based on something Aunt Mil said, I googled ‘Rutledge Trees’ on the Internet. Very impressive stats! Plus, the rumor mill has it that you just bought a lot more land to increase production.”

“The rumor mill! Remember what Nana used to say about gossip? The Devil’s Radio,” Ethan said with a shake of his head. “Now it’s your turn to bare all.”

As they’d been walking along the shore, every little thing Ethan said or did evoked a memory.

The way he combed his fingers through his hair, short as it was, when at a loss for words. He’d been doing that for as long as she could remember. Kindergarten, even, when she’d asked him if she should color the sky blue or gray on her picture. He’d been so cute back then, shy, inclined to blush when singled out by of all things, a girl! He still was. Cute. Well, more like handsome now. As for blushing, yes, there was a slight flush at his inadvertent use of the words “your turn to bare all,” which was exactly what he’d said that first time they’d made love.

He’d taken off all his clothes, and although they’d been “making out” every which way but actual intercourse, driving each other crazy, for more than a year, it was the first time she’d actually seen him in the buff. At the time, his saying it was her turn to bare all had seemed like the sexiest, coolest thing in the world.

But she knew what he meant now, and it had nothing to do with sex.

“I was shocked and devastated, Ethan. In retrospect, I could have handled things better, especially in how my behavior affected my dad and Aunt Mil. My only excuse is that I was eighteen and emotional.”

“Where did you go?” he asked and took her hand to steer them around a large piece of driftwood and back the way they’d come. When he didn’t let go but instead laced his fingers with hers, she should have objected. But it was probably just a reflex action and her calling attention to it would make it seem as if his touch bothered her.

Which it did.

Funny how couples today don’t appreciate the sensuality in little things, like holding hands. They are always in a hurry in this fast-paced digital world where speed is king. Maybe that’s why my relationships since Ethan have been unsuccessful. I haven’t found a good hand-holder. There’s something to be said for just the press of a large male palm against a smaller, softer female one. The slow slide of skin surfaces, causing nerve endings to stand to attention. Then, fingers spreading and sliding into nature’s intended slots, male and female. Finally, the press of two hands into one fist. It was a slow dance, when done properly. A preamble to more intimate things. But, oh, the joy of just holding hands!

“Wendy? I asked you where you went when you left Bell Cove,” Ethan reminded her.

She shook her head to clear it of wandering thoughts. “At first, I went to my mother’s stepsister in Maryland. I don’t know if you remember, but Lizzie Samuels came to Mom’s funeral, the first I’d known she even existed. She was a lot older and they’d never been raised together, but anyhow, I just showed up on Aunt Liz’s doorstep in Annapolis, and luckily she took me in until I could decide what to do.”

“I looked for you, but no one would tell me anything. In fact, your dad threatened to get a restraining order if I didn’t stop bothering him.”

“I didn’t know that, but then I warned Dad and Aunt Mil to never mention your name or I’d cut off contact totally.” She thought for a moment. “It sounds so melodramatic now, but it was the only way I could move forward back then. Maybe if my mother had been alive, she could have talked some sense into me.”

“Still, you must have landed on your feet. You went to college. Not UNC, but at least you got an education. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t continue on to med school, instead of joining the Navy. I mean, really, Wendy, you, a soldier?”

“You’d be surprised.” She made a fierce fighting face at him, which caused him to laugh. She liked that she could make him laugh when he was in such a serious mood, especially after she’d practically decked him with that slap. “I really floundered in college, in pre-med. I discovered that I really didn’t like all that science. In fact, I hated it, and for the first time began to question my medical vocation. It was the Navy that came to me, not the other way around. Well, the Navy special command in Coronado that encompasses SEALs and WEALS. They recruited me for the program. It was my swimming that got me noticed.”

“They do that?”