Page 53 of A Hero Comes Home

After his father left, he made the boys a big bowl of microwave popcorn because they were hungry again. They were always hungry.

“Okay, Minecrafters, time to shut off the TV and play the butt game,” he announced to the boys a short time later. It was nine p.m. and Sally wasn’t home. Looked like he was going to have to put them to bed. Which was not going to be a pretty scene.

“What’s the butt game?” Luke asked. He was the first one to meet Jake in the hall at the bottom of the stairs. The other two soon followed, coming to a skidding stop. Aside from always being hungry, his boys were always on the move. They never walked when they could run.

“Is the butt game like the fart game?” Matt wanted to know, smiling widely. “I can do three in a row.”

“Especially after he eats beans,” Mark agreed.

“But Binky Jones ith the champion. He did one really loud at the mutheum today,” Luke said.

Matt nodded. “Yep. He cut the cheese real loud. And Mr. Allen, the assistant scout leader, made him go sit in the bus for an hour.”

Jake had discovered that little boys loved anything involving body noises, whether they be farts or belches, as well as body emissions, like poop or piss. “No, my butt game has nothing to do with farts,” Jake said. “I need to go upstairs to get you guys to bed. I’m gonna need a little help. On my butt.”

“You’re coming upstairs?” Mark asked.

Even if it kills me.

“Sorry. That was a silly question,” Mark added.

Not a silly question since Jake hadn’t been upstairs since he’d gotten home.

“What about your leg?” Matt wanted to know. “Won’t it hurt?”

Like a hot iron, which I am ironically familiar with.

“Will you read uth a bedtime thory, like Mommy doth?”

“Dads don’t read bedtime stories,” Mark chided Luke.

“Besides, I’m too old for bedtime stories,” Matt contended.

Luke ducked his head.

“Actually, dads do read bedtime stories. And you never grow too old to listen to a good story. You wouldn’t believe how much the guys in my unit love to tell and listen to stories when we’re out on a live op.”

They all stared at him, amazed. Like they didn’t think men liked books? He had obviously been gone too long, for more than the apparent reasons.

“My favorite book when I was your ages was Sneetches. Later, your grandfather and I read Moby Dick together. Did he ever read it to you?”

The three of them shook their heads slowly.

“Dick is another word for your dangler,” Matt pointed out.

Whaat? Does he mean what I think he means?

“Mom says we’re not supposed to call it a cock or a peter or a prick or a pecker,” Matt elaborated.

“How about just penis?” Jake asked, choking back a laugh.

“That’s okay,” Matt told him, very seriously.

“Anyhow Moby Dick is the name of a whale and the story is about the captain who tries to catch him.”

“PopPop likes to talk about fishing,” Mark said with a nod.

“Anyhow, butts on the stairs,” Jake said. “Watch me and follow suit.”