Page 82 of The Blue Viking

How had his life become so complicated?

How was he ever going to explain to Maire that, once his mission here was completed, he had another mission to accomplish?

His wedding.

Rurik was in the lead, riding his horse down the narrow path from Maire’s mountainside castle. When they got to the bottom, they rode in a tight veeformation, with Stigand and Toste on one side, and Bolthor and Vagn on the other. A half dozen of the Campbells fell in behind them. Although these ten accompanied him, Rurik would be entering the MacNab clanstead on his own, unarmed, while Toste and Vagn snuck in wherever they could. The others would stand watch outside.

“We’re running late,” Toste pointed out, as if that weren’t obvious from the darkening sky. “Did you have to or-gaz her again?”

“Who says I did?” Rurik replied. That was the trouble with Norsemen. When they were not a-Viking or a-battling, they were meddling in other men’s business.

Stigand untied the red yarn from his middle finger, ripped it in half, then handed a piece to Rurik. “Best you commence measurin’ yerself if yer gonna be lyin’.”

Rurik started to tell his berserker that he hadn’t precisely said that he hadn’t or-gaz-ed Maire. Damn, I can’t believe I’m using that ridiculous word now, too. But he was too dumbfounded by Stigand’s cutting his yarn in half.

He had no time to chastise Stigand because Vagn launched into him. “ ’Tis obvious you or-gaz-ed yourself boneless. In truth, we could probably fold you up and put you in a saddlebag. I doubt there’s a drop of man seed left in your body. If the lady didn’t share in the pleasurin’, then shame on you.” Vagn grinned mischievously. Good thing he was two horse widths away, or Rurik would have swatted him aside the head.

“There’s an odd gleam in his eye… have you noticed?” Toste asked his brother. “Rather like incredulity. What do you suppose the witch did to him in the bed furs to cause incredulity?”

Everyone looked at Rurik.

Rurik pressed his lips shut and stared straight ahead. He was saying nothing. He could feel his ears turn red, though.

“Your ears are turnin’ red,” Stigand accused Rurik with a hoot of laughter.

“Uh-oh,” Toste and Vagn remarked. “That good, huh?”

“I’ve been thinking,” Bolthor said. Everyone groaned.

“This is the story of Rurik the Greater…” Bolthor began.

“Who is getting greater by the moment, if his red ears are any indication,” Stigand added, ducking to avoid the swing of Rurik’s fist. “And, by the by, why is your chain mail sticking out from under your tunic? Did you forget to lace the ties?”

Rurik glanced down at his groin and, sure enough, the vee end of his chain mail was sticking out. Now, his face and neck were no doubt turning red, as well as his ears. “Why must you men always be poking into my personal affairs? I am a single Viking, unattached by wedlock to any woman … as of yet… so what is wrong with me or-gaz-ing my brains out, if that is what I want to do?”

Everyone grinned, knowing they’d provoked a reaction from him, which had obviously been their objective from the start. He turned away with a snort of disgust… mostly at himself.

“Methinks I have a good title for this saga,” Bolthor announced enthusiastically. “Sex and the Single Viking.”

The Viking man

Had much conceit.

Especially in the bed furs,

Excessive charm he did secrete.

But came a lady witch

With a complaint she did bleat.

Turns out the Viking’s skills

Left her incomplete.

But do not issue a challenge

To a Norseman’s male meat,