Page 109 of His Wicked Charm

“That was some time ago.”

“Not so long, really.”

“Are you sure he still feels the same way?”

Lilah shrugged. “You and I both know I’m not the sort of woman he should marry. He has told me how little he values my qualities. Whatever he feels for me—lust or affection—he does so against his better judgment. He finds me rigid and priggish—I’m fond of rules. He is not. I’m skeptical, and he is open-minded. I doubt. He trusts. He’s warm, demonstrative, affectionate. I am none of those things. I don’t make friends easily. You are the only one I am truly close to.”

“A husband and wife needn’t be the same. Alex and I have differences.”

“But not so wide, not so strong.”

Sabrina looked thoughtful. “Very well. But have you ever thought that maybe what Con needs, what he wants, is not agreement but balance.”

“Not ‘balance’ again.” Lilah made a comical face. “Now you sound like my father.”

“Con and Alex have been like this their whole lives.” Sabrina held up two fingers, crossed. “They share a great deal, but there are ways in which they differ. Con is more impulsive, Alex more likely to give thought to something. Con is more emotional, Alex cooler. Maybe Con’s nature needs someone who steadies him. He doesn’t like to follow rules, but sometimes one has to.”

“I might be useful to him in that way, but he wouldn’t enjoy it.”

“You don’t know that.”

“We would argue constantly.”

“How many rows have you had with him since you got here?”

“I’m not sure—I can’t really think of any.” When Sabrina raised her eyebrows significantly, Lilah said, “But he wants me now. That colors it a great deal. What about later, once he’s accustomed to me? When desire no longer drives him?”

“Are you sure that’s going to happen? Lilah, I’m talking about more than being useful—it’s a matter of fitting together well. Like puzzle pieces—they aren’t the same, but they go together to make a complete whole.” Sabrina sat back, studying Lilah. “Are you sure that it is Con who’s reluctant to marry?”

Lilah looked over, startled. “What do you mean? I just told you I love him.”

“Yet you bring up all these objections. Are you sure you aren’t looking for obstacles?”

“Nonsense. Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. But you push aside every argument so quickly, deny any indication that he loves you. Maybe it’s not confusion you feel, but fear.”

“Fear of what? That I will love him too much? That I will become obsessed with him as my father was with my mother?” Lilah jumped to her feet and began to walk aimlessly around the room, emotions churning inside her.

Sabrina followed her. “I was going to say, afraid of being hurt. But it seems telling, doesn’t it, that your mind leaped to loving him too much?”

Lilah whirled. “Of course I’m afraid of being hurt. And of loving him too much. They go hand in hand. I never saw aught in my father’s love but pain.” Her voice choked.

“Lilah...it doesn’t have to be that way.”

“Perhaps that’s true for others, but my family seems to be unwilling or unable to let go of what is dear to us. The center of Father’s life was his love for Mother. Apparently the center of my grandfather’s was his love for this mad religion. They were eaten up with their love.”

“You aren’t them.”

“What if I am like them? Maybe I just haven’t met my downfall until now. What if I fall so deeply in love with Con that I can never be happy without him? What will I do if he doesn’t return my love? How will I bear it? I feel as if I’m standing on the edge of a precipice, and one misstep could send me tumbling down into my doom.”

“What if you fall into happiness instead? What if Con loves you in return?”

“I don’t know if I can take that risk.”

“Maybe you have to. You already love him. All you’re doing is trying to avoid it. Ducking and dodging.”

“So I should just stop and take the blow?” Lilah asked.