Page 34 of A Winter Scandal

She gave him a stern look. “Not entirely. But I do see that you are concerned about Matthew, that you have a sense of duty toward your nephew … and your sister.”

“I love Jocelyn,” he replied with simple honesty. “How could I not try to find her? Help her?”

“There are some who would turn their backs on someone who caused scandal to their name.”

“My name means little to me compared to my sister.” He was silent for a moment, then said quietly, “I remember when she was born. My governess told me I had a baby sister, and later the nurse took me in to see her in her cradle.” A faint smile touched his mouth. “She was so tiny and so red. I thought she was not nearly as cute as the puppies in the kennels. But when I put out my finger, Jocelyn wrapped her fingers around it, and I felt …” He shook his head. “I’m not sure what it was, but I knew that I had to protect her, that she was mine. I fear I did not look after her well enough.”

“We all make our own choices. And in the end, no one else can bear the consequences for us. I am sure you did your best.”

“Did I? Sometimes I wonder. Perhaps it was only the easiest. The most convenient for me.” They walked on in silence for a moment, then he said, “I was happy that she was going to marry Lord Rawdon. He and I were friends. Good friends. I thought it would be pleasant … fun … for me. I wanted it. Obviously I wasn’t thinking about my sister; I didn’t even realize that she did not want to marry him.”

Thea laid her hand on his arm. “You must not blame yourself. Who would not want one’s sister to marry a good friend? I think that I would be happy, surely, if my brother told me he was going to marry my friend.” Of course, the thought of her studious brother marrying the vibrant Damaris was a bit ludicrous, but in principle the theory held true. “It would ensure that you continued to be close even after she was married. You thought that he would be a good husband, that he would care for her and protect her.”

“I thought he loved her.”

“Then how can you say it was wrong to be happy she was engaged to him?”

“She ran away from him. Obviously she did not wish to marry him.”

“Sometimes people change their minds. Surely she wanted to marry him in the beginning or she would not have accepted his proposal. I mean, you did not arrange the marriage between you and him, did you?”

“No, of course not. He came to me and asked my permission, naturally, and I was happy to give it to him. But she accepted his proposal. She seemed eager to marry him, I thought.”

“No doubt she was. People can have doubts later. They might decide they made the wrong decision.”

“But why did Jocelyn not tell me that she had changed her mind?” Gabriel frowned. “She must have believed that she could not, that I would be angry with her, even insist she marry him.”

“You must not think that. Perhaps she simply could not face the scandal she knew it would cause if she broke off the engagement. Things can seem frightful, even unbearable, when we are young. Or she may have felt too embarrassed or ashamed to tell you. Sometimes, silly as it seems, the people we love the most are the ones to whom we are most afraid of revealing our foolishness. That does not mean she was afraid of you or did not trust you.”

They walked on in silence for a moment, then Gabriel said, “Thank you. Whether that is true or you are merely being kind, I confess it does make me feel better.”

“You sound surprised.”

“I am a bit surprised that you should make an effort to ease my mind. You have not appeared to like me overmuch.”

She gave an eloquent little shrug. “The truth does not have anything to do with liking or disliking.”

The grin she was coming to know well flashed briefly. “So you are saying that you still do not like me overmuch.”

“I would not think you would care what one spinster in an out-of-the-way village thinks of you. No doubt you are very well liked by any number of women.”

“Sometimes the challenging course presents the more appealing prospect.”

Thea glanced at him sharply. She was not sure what to make of such comments from him. They seemed, well, flirtatious, yet she could not imagine why a man such as Lord Morecombe would flirt with a woman such as her. Perhaps he was simply too much in the habit to stop. Or maybe he disliked the thought of any woman not succumbing to his charms, even when he had no real interest in her.

Whatever the case, Thea did not fool herself. She prided herself on not believing in nonsensical daydreams. She was not the sort to stitch a few words from an eligible man into a pattern of romantic interest, especially when the man was someone as handsome and charming as Gabriel Morecombe. His flirtation meant nothing; his kisses even less. Still, she could not deny that his words warmed her. She found herself wanting to smile at him, and she had to clamp her lips together to keep from doing so.

Fortunately, they were almost to the vicarage, and Thea was able to simply avoid his comment, instead picking up her pace and heading toward the low gate leading into her yard. Inside the kitchen, they were greeted by the sight of a blond girl seated on the rug with the baby, playing peekaboo with his blanket. She scrambled up as Thea and Gabriel stepped into the room and stood gazing at Lord Morecombe in awe.

The baby, upon seeing Thea, raised his hands toward her and let out a stream of babble. The smile she had been able to restrain with Gabriel burst forth undeniably now, and she bent to pick him up, swinging him up to settle him on her hip in a gesture that was already seeming quite familiar.

“Good afternoon, Lolly,” Thea greeted the girl.

“Miss.” Lolly bobbed a little curtsy toward her and a deeper one to Lord Morecombe, blushing and ducking her head.

Thea sighed and glanced at Gabriel. He looked faintly amused.

“Lolly, Mrs. Brewster tells me you might be interested in acting as a nursemaid for young Matthew here,” Gabriel began gravely.