Page 21 of Redeem My Heart

She stands, hands on her hips, and she looks like a fucking goddess. One that looks angry enough to rip my balls off.

“I don’t know. Something!” She grabs her clothes and starts pulling things back on. “Do you want to date me or not?”

I’m fucking everything up; I know I am, but I will not lie to her. “Look, I don’t date.”

Her eyes narrow in a glare. “I see. Only pretend girlfriends for you?” She picks up her phone and starts jabbing her fingers on it, clearly texting someone. “You are so full of shit,” she says. “I have seen you on dates with other women.”

“Okay, yes, I have gone on dates. I have hooked up with other women.” Though the urge to do that hasn’t come up even once since I saw Shelby standing in Grady’s kitchen.

“You’re right. I have gone on dates. The noun. I don’t date women. The verb. I’m not made for that. I don’t settle well. I’m too grouchy. I’ve been alone too long. I’m too bitter and too hard. I’m not made for commitment.”

“That is such bullshit. A man who isn’t made for commitment doesn’t adopt forty-six dogs and build them their own shelter and coddle them like you fucking do.”

“Dogs are different. And you’re the one who said you aren’t one of my dogs.”

She rolls her eyes. “That isn’t what I meant and you know it. Look, if you’re done here and you don’t want to see me again, I get it. I can show myself out. And you don’t need to go through the whole ‘I’m a lone wolf’ speech. Just say you’re not into me that way.”

I stand because I can’t just let her walk away. I pull her to me and kiss her. “I’m not done with you yet.” She shoves me away from her and I drop my arms. “Sunshine, please, let’s talk about this.”

“I’m going to stop you right there. You don’t get to call me a cute nickname if we’re not in a committed relationship. I’ve put up with people calling me Sugar all my life because I wasn’t confident enough to stand up for what I wanted and to tell them how much I hated it. Even knowing that none of the people in town knew the root of the nickname, it was still there. Every time someone said it, I heard my mother complaining about how much weight she’d gained while carrying me and it was because I was born with a sweet tooth and all I wanted was to eat sugar.”

She swipes at her tears. “Maybe it didn’t really matter, because most of the people who call me Sugar aren’t important to me. So it doesn’t matter if they don’t talk to me with respect. But I do care about you, and I care about how you think of me. So I care enough to tell you that I can’t be with you just for now. I can’t be with you until you decide you’re done with me. I don’t work that way.”

Headlights shine through the windows.

“That’s my ride. Have a nice life, Dane.”

And then she leaves.

chapter

twelve

Shelby

My tears are already to full on hysterical sobs by the time I climb into my sister’s car.

“Oh Shelby, I’m sorry.” She opens her arms and I fall against her. She hugs me until I pull back.

“I need tissues,” I say.

“Back seat on the floor, I think.”

“You’re always prepared. Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Of course. I’ll always come get you. Whenever you need me.” She nods to the house. “Want me to go in there and shiv him for you?”

I release a watery laugh. “No. Let’s just go home.”

Once we get to the house, she fixes me a mug of hot tea and sits down on the couch with me. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“It’s that old cliched story of girl crushes on boy. Girl becomes boy’s fake girlfriend. Girl gives boy her very real virginity, and then he tells her he doesn’t do relationships.”

“Oh sweetie,” Luna coos. “What can I do?”

“Nothing to do. I was a fool. I made a mistake and now I have to pick up the pieces.”

“Was it at least good?”