Page 11 of Midnight Snack

AURELIA: Are you kidding with me right now?

ME: No. Let’s just say we didn’t really click, and we’ll leave it at that.

AURELIA: No, we will not!

AURELIA: Let me guess, she didn’t take all her clothes off and drop to her knees begging to service you?

ME: Gross. Don’t talk like that to me.

AURELIA: You’re so sensitive. You know older sisters have sex too.

ME: No, I do not know that, nor do I want to know that.

AURELIA: You have nephews.

ME: Immaculate conception. I’m a good Catholic boy.

AURELIA:

AURELIA: You know it is not okay to call a woman a bitch just because she’s not into you.

AURELIA: I thought I raised you better than that.

ME: You are my sister. You didn’t raise me.

ME: And yes. As soon as I typed it, I realized it was a total dick move.

ME: You know I don’t generally think that about women. I haven’t said it to anyone but you and I won’t.

AURELIA: Good. Don’t make me come down there and kick your ass.

ME: Trust me, I’m kicking my own ass. I liked this woman from the moment I saw her, and she’s clearly not interested in me.

ME: Worse than that, she finds my videos repulsive.

ME: Just got under my skin, I guess. And then I acted like a total dick.

AURELIA: You might have to break this down for me. I want to be on your side, but I need to know exactly what you did wrong when you say you acted like a total dick.

ME: I just came on too strong.

AURELIA: You didn’t touch her, did you?

ME: God. No. Of course not.

AURELIA: Good. Remember consent is sexy.

ME: For fuck’s sake, Aurelia.

AURELIA: I still need more details.

ME: I was just suggestive and flirty.

AURELIA: OMG tell me you didn’t!

AURELIA: You did, didn’t you?

AURELIA: You became Mr. Smexy Pants, didn’t you?