Page 31 of Big Trouble

“What?”

“One of the nannies had a problem keeping her hands to herself. But it wasn’t an actual pickle she kept grabbing.”

Winnie gasps and sits up. “She did not!”

I nod. “Yep. Four times. The straw that broke the camels back was when she did it in front of Clem. Obviously I couldn’t call her out of copping a feel with Clem in the room. I’d already started to tell ‘her to keep her hands off my…’ when I realized I couldn’t say dick in front of my daughter. I panicked and said pickles instead.”

Winnie rolls on her back and covering her face with her hands. “Oh my god! So all those times at dinner that I teased you about eating pickles?”

I roll to my side and pull her hands from her face to give her a kiss. “Yep. Every single time. I imagined something in your mouth that was not a pickle.”

A blush floods her cheeks, but even embarrassed my Killer has that flash of sass in her eyes. “Hmmm … If I’d known that, I just might have eaten more pickles.”

“I’ll order a case of them tomorrow.”

diary entry 6

Dear Diary,

Today is the big day! I am so excited, even though I don’t get to be the flower girl. Mrs. Billingsly says that being the maid of honor is even more important than being the flower girl. I think I should get to be both, especially since Keller gets to be the ring bear and the flower girl.

But Winnie pointed out that Keller isn’t actually the ring bear or the flower girl, he’s just gets to hold the leash while Banana-Noodle carries the flowers and he gets to carry the basket with the ducklings. They have the rings tied around their necks.

I got the ducklings because the roosters were too heavy for Banana-Noodle to carry in a basket! Just two, one for each of the rings, but I’m sure I’ll be able to talk Daddy and Winnie into more ducks when they get back from their honeymoon. Unless I can talk Uncle Briggs into buying me ducks while they’re gone.

Okay, I’ve got to go see if I can borrow some of Aunt Wren’s fancy lipstick.

Love,

Clementine

***