Page 30 of Zombies, Satyrs and Vampires, Oh My!

chapter

five

Jace

Xander, the griffin, is downstairs in my music room doing his best to fix the mess I made three days ago when the last fever hit. When you’ve got a constant erection with no relief, it can be frustrating.

In that state, I can be destructive.

I step into the room to see that he’s nearly got the drywall completely patched.

He glances up at me. He’s pretty much my only friend.

“There’s a human woman asking about you in town.” Xander tells me.

I step out from behind the tree I’ve been standing partially behind. “Who is she?” I ask.

“For fuck’s sake, Jace.” He tilts his head back to stare at my ceiling. “Can’t you wear a kilt or something? Must you have your dick out all the time?”

I wince. This is why I only have the one friend. My perpetual erection. It makes people uncomfortable. Who can blame them? It’s like a third arm extending upward.

Hello, nice to meet you. Would you like to stroke me?

I exhale slowly. “I’ve tried kilts and codpieces and everything else I can think of. I even special ordered some things from Etsy that claimed to be made from the softest yarn imaginable. Any kind of texture is irritating to my skin.”

He looks back at me but keeps his focus on my face. His lips are twitching as he obviously fights a smile. “Was it like a hand knitted dick hat or something? A little tutu for your cock?”

“Fuck off.” But damn him if the image of my junk wearing a little crocheted dress isn’t fucking hilarious. I move back to the tree to angle my crotch away from him.

“It’s not like I don’t know it’s distracting for other people. It’s why I only come out at night. That and I got tired of random women—mostly the humans who visit—propositioning me all the time.”

“That shit was annoying for the whole fucking town,” Xander says.

“If you think it’s a burden for you to have to look at, trust me that it feels immensely worse for me.”

The griffin grimaces. “If I were you, I’d fuck any female that came near me on the off chance she was the one to break the spell,” Xander says.

“I doubt that. And it doesn’t work that way, you know that,” I say. I try to swallow my curiosity about the woman in town, but I can’t manage it. “So, who is she, do you know?”

“I think she’s a friend of the zombie’s human girl.” He shrugs and his wings rise with the movement. Then he shakes them out, the feathers fluttering, then falling back into place. “Fuck if I know, man. People know we talk so they informed me.”

“More than one people?” I ask.

He snorts. “That’s generally what ‘people’ means.”

“You’re such a cranky bastard,” I say.

“You’re no fucking ray of sunshine yourself.”

“What else do you know about this human woman? I mean why has she been asking about me?”

Xander chuckles. “She’s probably heard you’re hard and ready all the time. You remember what it was like to be human? I thought I had stamina, but nothing like I do now.”

My dick aches. It aches all the fucking time, but especially if I think about burying myself inside a warm, willing woman.

I’m not completely sure I do remember what it’s like to be human. “The whole crux of the curse is that there has to be love,” I say.

“I remember. It’s why we stopped answering inquiries about you. But it’s been several years since you went into hiding. Several years since you’ve been celibate.” He stares at me for a minute, then continues.“ Maybe you should make yourself more visible. This girl could very well be the one you’ve been looking for.”