Page 80 of Zombies, Satyrs and Vampires, Oh My!

He nods once.

“It says Stream in the Woods. That’s close to where we are.”

Again, a single nod.

“And that is where my Joy is?”

“Yes.”

“But this happened years ago.”

“It did. But evidently, there are still some of the contaminated bottles of that drink that pop up now and then. Your wife is not the woman you remember. She is changed.”

“Are you telling me that my wife is a Chupacabra?”

“No. It was just an example. You just need to be prepared. You need to ask yourself if that love you claim to have for your wife is truly unconditional.”

“Before she left, we were happy. Like the kind of happy you only see in romance novels.” I stare at the man across from me. “I don’t know what the future brings. All I do know is that I'm not okay without her, and maybe that makes me a pussy, but it's the reality. My reality. These last several months, I’ve been a shell of the man I once was.”

“You look half-dead,” Jones says. “And I’ve met some of the undead so that’s saying something.”

“When I woke up this morning, finding out that there are actual monsters and mythical creatures in the world is not how I thought the day would go. But if it means that I can have my wife back, then I’m ready to ride on a damned unicorn to get to her.”

“Unicorns aren’t real,” Jones says.

“Oh, okay.”

“I’m just fucking with you. There are real and total divas, too.”

Now he has a sense of humor. “Maybe, if luck is with me, I can convince her to come back home, convince her that she still belongs with me, that we belong together, and that we still deserve our happily ever after.”

Jones comes to his feet and holds out his hand. “Good luck, man.” He hands me a folded sheet of paper. “Go to this address.”