Page 20 of Anchored to the Storm

Wham! I slammed my door, then faced a room that now felt foreign. An empty bed stared at me. Maybe it laughed at me, knowing my roommate was gone. I turned to my own bed and eyed the sheets she once touched. Laid in while we kissed⁠—

Goddamnit! I paced the length of my room, angry and drowning in emotions that threatened to burst out of me, and not in a constructive way. Knowing that asshole pastor was out there breathing, living his life while Blue was gone infuriated me. I felt restless. Idle. And like a fucking failure for not dealing with him already.

Johnny had warned me. He said the need for vengeance would consume me, and nd that he understood. He was fucking right. I couldn’t think about anything else. Every time my thoughts drifted to my sweet Blue, I was gutted all over again. My heart wouldn’t stop breaking.

Last night I dreamed of her. Again.

The hospital bed. Our last words. That unmatchable connection we shared.

A cry of frustration grew in my belly and erupted as I clenched my fists. Johnny was gone! The son of a biker—a president at that—was my ace in the hole to see the pastor die. Johnny was the only one who could help me! And I needed it. That monster hurt her! He hurt my sweet baby Blue and took her away! The drunk driver took my friend! The fucking system took away Johnny, who was the first to truly make me feel I wasn’t a pathetic stutterer! I was always scared I wasn’t good enough for Blue.

This pathetic life had taken away the boy I used to be. Now I was an angry, cursing, empty shell.

Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed the side edge of Caleb’s bed and lifted with all my power, flipping it over while roaring, “Give them all back to meeeeee!”

Aggressively, I spun to face whoever had opened my door. My knees were bent. My fists were ready to swing. When I saw Gage, stunned and staring at me in disbelief, I thundered, “I want to kill someone!” I saw Ethan rush up behind Gage to see past his shoulder at me. So, I told him, “Now!” Then, I turned around and proceeded to kick the upside-down mattress.

Soon, wanting to go even deeper into this attack, I dropped to my knees and punched the mattress so many times I lost count and lost sight. Literally, I was in a blind fury like nothing I had ever experienced.

I didn’t even understand how lost I had become when arms finally wrapped around me, voices begging me to stop. I barely heard Sarah yell, “Get him in the tub!”

Hoisted into the air by three sets of male hands, I was carried into the bathroom, me swinging the whole time, and cursing, and wishing death on those who had wronged me.

I fought the stream of water gushing into the tub. I fought the heat my body was begging for. I even fought the calmness trying to take possession of my insanity.

In the end, I lost. This time, in the best way.

Finally, I sank back into Ethan, realizing he was sitting behind me. And exhaled, feeling a release I couldn’t place or completely understand.

Sarah was kneeling right outside the tub, pushing wet hair from my face. She smiled at me. It was as gentle as her voice. “You back with us?”

I couldn’t help but start to cry. “I’m so fucking pissed… at it all.”

She cried with me. “I understand.” Her lip trembled. “We both lost partners.”

So unbelievably sad, I grabbed her hand and pulled it to my chest. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“I knew that before you finished the sentence.”

I sobbed, “I hurt, Sarah.”

Tears flowing, she peered at the only other one in the tub, then back to me. “Like you don’t even want to breathe anymore?”

All I could do was nod through an abundance of my own tears.

Ethan tightened his arm that lay over my collarbone. “Now you know why I had her in the shower.”

“What?” shrieked protective fosters—Gage and Finn, who were standing behind Sarah.

That made me laugh as I bawled like a damn baby. My free hand grabbed onto Ethan’s arm. “I’m so sorry.” I had accused him of being disrespectful. I lashed out in my pain.

He rocked me side to side. “Shh… We all have a right to a freak-out.”

I thought of his meltdown in the kitchen so long ago. And Johnny holding him, just as Ethan was holding me now, and I cried even harder. “The farther away he gets, the harder it’s getting.” I could barely breathe. “I mean, I’m not gay—” Sheepishly, I peered up at Finn. “Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”

He shrugged with a wicked grin. “None taken. I believe I’m the only one in this room who has ever kissed Johnny.”

All eyes were on him. And we all were, with gaping mouths.