Page 113 of 912321

Hayzel showed up in the afternoon, saying she missed me and brought Blue with her.

Somehow this little traitor immediately ignored me and curled up against Milo instead. They stayed like this, watching the TV but I could see Milo counting the hours until I had to leave.

Hayzel stayed for dinner, but she eventually had to go back to campus. Then it was just me, and when the evening came, I said goodbye to Milo and promised I would see him soon and walked back home.

The moment I opened the door I heard them. Voices, two of them. Both are laughing too loudly. Dad never laughs like that unless he’s letting someone else in, someone I’ve learned to fear. I never knew his name, I never asked, never had the chance to speak.

I’m not allowed to see him.

My stomach drops, my fingers go cold around my keys as I stand there, trying to convince myself I misunderstood. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m remembering the last time and not this time before that. Maybe it’s been months, a year.

I moved down the hallway quickly, keeping my head down. If I didn’t look, maybe he wouldn’t see me. If I moved silently enough, maybe Dad wouldn’t call my name. If I hid, maybe he’d get bored and leave.

Hope, hope, hope.

Three steps. Four. Five.

I’m almost in my room. My heartbeat is so loud I can barely hear anything else. I close the door behind me, telling myself it doesn’t matter if I shake, that I’m safe here. But my room was never safe, even when I was a child.

Then I heard it. The door opens again behind me. My whole body freezes. And before I can turn around, I hear the lock click from the outside.

Dad.

He had closed the door. He had left me again. He knew. He always knows.

Before I could even process it, a hand was on my mouth.

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t scream, couldn’t think.

You’ll suffer again Reya, you’ll suffer again and again and again.

“Miss me, darling?”

His voice was soft, almost making something cruel sound gentle. My brain screamed at me to move, to fight, to do anything. But my body betrayed me. I stood there, frozen, mind empty, only able to focus on my heartbeat.

He stepped closer, pressed me against the wall, his weight heavy, his breath warm against my cheek. “See? It’s just us.”

I shouldn’t have come home. I shouldn’t have moved toward my room. I shouldn’t have hoped.

“Now, be smart. Take off those stupid pants. Remember our game? Never bite the lollipop… you suck it.”

You have to suck it, not bite it.

Memories of every time this had started, every humiliating, terrifying repetition, slammed through me. When I was a kid, this game wasn’t supposed to feel painful, I knew from my mother’s eyes it was painful even for adults. But now… now I’m still here and I’m older.

I trained. I told myself I’d never be small again. But maybe I still am, and I never stopped being the same person.

“Open that beautiful mouth.”

I didn’t. I couldn’t.

He laughed at my reaction. “Fine. Fingers first.”

His hand slammed back over my lips, harder this time. I tried to twist away. I tried to scream. I tried to fight. Nothing worked. Every movement made him more violent. Every breath I gasped made me smaller in his eyes.

Kill him. Kill him. Save yourself.

I could feel it, feel him, feel everything, but my mind split itself off from my body. One part of me was trapped in terror and pain. The other drifted above it, watching, numb, disconnected, wishing to disappear entirely.