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He allowed me to sleep here all night long. He didn’t wake me up or throw me out. He just allowed me to rest without disturbance. The memories of what happened last night came back slowly, and I cannot believe he took care of me without asking any questions.

I should leave.

I should leave now.

I need to.

My car is still at my house and Hayzel doesn’t even have her own, so it’s not as if she could drive back here by herself. The only person I can turn to right now is Ethan. I get up quickly, without making any noise and look back at Damien’s sleeping form one last time before opening the door and leaving his apartment.

This is wrong. All of this is so wrong.

I need to bring back Blue, my car, and my things that I left before classes start.

“Ethan, please be awake,” I mutter to myself as I walk through the hallways of the building. In just a few minutes, I’m in front of Ethan’s dorm and I knock frantically.

He opens the door, hair wild, half asleep, confused about my presence here but the moment he meets my eyes he understands that whatever I’m doing here, it’s urgent.

“Reya? What the fuck are you doing here? I thought you were home for the weekend.”

“Can you please give me a ride? I left my car and my things at my house.”

Ethan holds open the door for me to come in and rubs his eyes before saying, “What are you even wearing? Did you sleep here last night?”

I look at my reflection on the mirror he has next to his bed and reply, “Long story, can you please hurry, we have classes soon.”

He gets dressed quickly, still confused about everything that’s going on and I’m just as lost as he is. I don’t remember the walk. I remember the knife on my skin, the blood dripping down. I remember the cold and the way my body relaxed at the thought of taking that one step and leaving forever.

But last night, while my mind was busy disappearing, it brought me to the only person it still believes wouldn’t hurt me.

“Mireya it’s literally 6am, the first period starts in three hours and you look pale as hell. What happened?”

“I’ll meet you outside.”

I left before he could ask any other question and breathe the fresh air of the parking lot. Ethan appears a few moments later, dressed up and ready to drive and I follow him to his car, without looking back. The car ride is silent at the beginning, we’re both tired and lost for different reasons but then he says, “Did you have a bad trip?”

“I don’t do drugs anymore,” I lie.

“You look like you might need some, you know I can always get you the same things as when we were younger.”

“No need for that. Can you please speed up?”

He nods and doesn’t speak again.

It’s strange how life separated us. When we were younger, we would always find a way to talk about things without a second of silence. And now, being in his car feels strange, like we don’t know each other anymore.

“Here we go,” he says as he parks next to my house. “Whatever happened, you can always talk to me about it when you feel ready.”

“Yeah, thank you, Ethan. Please don’t tell Hayzel about this.”

I didn't give him the time to reply and almost ran out of the car. The spare key is underneath the welcome mat and I let myself into the house. I venture into the living area, grabbing my bag, my phone and the keys to my car before rushing out and heading towards Edna’s house. Not thinking about the empty cans or beer litter over the sofa or the pots and pans left on the stove. I don't think about grabbing anything for Milo, I know he already has everything there.

I knock three times when I arrive.

“You know, you don't have to knock every time you come over,” Edna says as she opens the door for me. “Come in before you catch a cold.”

“Sorry for coming in so early,” I say, grabbing Blue to put him into his carrier. “Blue baby, we need to leave quickly.”

He gives a loud meowing sound and Edna throws her head back to laugh as she makes her way into her kitchen. She sips her tea slowly as she watches me struggle with Blue until he’s finally in. I head towards the front door, and she follows me before hugging me.