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“We'll sleep together,” Hayzel says with a smile before taking another bite. “We’re sharing a tent.”

“Of course."

He shakes his head. “I'm always left out of this friendship.”

Hayzel bursts out laughing and I smile before replying, “You'll survive.”

“One day I'll disappear, and you'll realize everything you've lost,” he says in a sad fake tone.

Hayzel looks at him and laughs once more, “We'll take the risk.”

He clutches his heart as if he's just been stabbed as my phone vibrates in my pocket. I look down and see a photo. My cat is lying on my bed. You can see part of Damien’s sleeve in the corner of the picture. Then a second message appears.

Library: Everything's fine.

Play - Matilda by Harry Styles

The night has settled, and Hayzel and I are lying in the tent Ethan had set up for us.

We can hear everything around us and it’s not the most comfortable place to spend the night. The world stretches out in front of us. The sky, the stars, the waves moving in and out along the shore. It’s so peaceful.

“It makes me happy to see you like this,” Hayzel says, finally.

I turn my head toward her, and I feel that part of me that I always keep hidden contracts gently. “Like what?”

She hesitates, as if searching for a version of the truth that won't hurt too much. “Happier. You used to disappear a lot somewhere inside yourself.” I think so too…

“I was scared for you, Reya…” she adds softly.

I stare at the stars without really seeing them, as if looking at them might prevent me from answering properly. “You worry me too.”

“Me?” And I nod. But she knows I’m trying to end the conversation so she continues, “Are you hiding something serious from me so you don’t worry me?” she asks.

I feel the question pass through me without encountering any resistance. And I understand that the answer already exists within me before I even formulate it. “Yes,” I say simply.

She straightens up slightly, like she wants to check if I'm serious. “Honestly?”

“Honest. If I know it could hurt you... I'd keep it to myself. I'd keep it until it becomes something I can keep on my own without infecting you.”

She looks at me for a long time, and then she moves closer. Without warning, she puts her arms around me. I stay still for a second, then hug her back, because it's the only thing I know how to do properly when words become too much.

“When we were little…” She starts, “I didn't know how much you were already suffering.” I close my eyes and she keeps going, “Until Nana told me about your mom.”

The world doesn't stop when she says it, but something inside me does.

“I felt bad talking to you about my problems after that,” she murmurs.

I shake my head lightly against hers. “They mattered just as much, don’t say that.”

She steps back enough to look at me, then her eyes return to the sky as if she's searching for a way to make me talk. “Do you think anything keeps living when people die?" she asks.

“Yeah of course…” I finally say, “they continue to exist in their loved ones’ memories, and in everything they ever did”

She takes a long breath. “I’m scared that the people we love will all end up leaving,” she says.

“They always leave,” I say softly. “Even if they’re loved, everyone leaves one day, Hayzel, it’s okay.”

She shakes her head. “Not you.”