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“That’s because you haven’t hated me yet…” I whisper. “I don’t want you to watch me become someone you can’t ever love.”

It’s happening.

I already have poison waiting for me back at the dorm. The cycle has started again. Parties, drugs, alcohol, passing out, waking up, and doing it all over again. And he can’t witness this. He can’t watch me disappear piece by piece and let it ruin him along with me.

I’m already falling apart; I won’t drag him down too.

“You don’t get to decide that for me,” he replies with the softest voice ever.

I’m high again…It’s too late.

A tear burns my eyes and I hate it. “I have to, Damien. Because if I let you stay…” My voice breaks again. “If I let you stay, then I have something left to lose.”

And for the first time, he looks away, like I finally managed to hurt him.

I stand up, not even looking back at him. Because he knows that beneath all my anger, all my hatred, all my pain, I’m still choosing him.

And this is exactly why I can’t let him stay.

96

Mireya

Past

Play - Brother by Kodaline

The Flashing Lights

The alcohol hits me first and I stagger towards the car. Hayzel is holding the bottle of vodka to her lips, taking a sip as she opens the passenger side.

”Mi-reyyy-a,” she says my name slowly and I laugh at how funny she sounds.

“Yes, love,” I ask as I fumble for the ignition.

“I love you,” she whispers, and our laugh slowly fades away.

I grin at her, as she hands me the new bottle, and I take another generous swing. Woah.

The world tilts and my head starts to spin as I rest my forehead against the steering wheel. “I love you too, Hayz,” I reply, passing her the bottle back.

I shift into gear and begin to pull out of the driveway when Hayzel gently tugs at my arm. “We need to call, Ethan!” She says dramatically.

Shit. I almost forgot about that.

“Here,” I hand her my phone, “Use my cell, call him to see where he is.”

She nods and I watch her flick open and just after, his voice fills the car.

“Where the hell are you guys?” Ethan grumbles.

“We’re leaving the house, now,” I reply, yelling a bit.

“Where are you at, we’ll come and get you,” Hayzel adds.

“I’m by erm…” I hear rustling in the background and the sound almost confuses me.

“Are you not at home?” I ask as Hayzel looks at me confused.