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A few minutes later, I receive a text from Library.

Library: I’m going to the shore, if you want to join me.

I read it, then again and my thumb hovers over the screen. It makes me laugh because he could’ve just asked before leaving.

He’s my professor, it probably is inappropriate but it’s just talking. Nothing else.

Me: Let me get Blue home first and I’ll join.

Library: I’ll be parked at the same spot.

This is also not in my plans.

What am I doing?

36

Damien

Play - The Winner Takes It All by Meryl Streep

Head underwater

She’s still sitting there, legs tucked under herself, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. It’s five in the morning, and yet she looks like she’s been awake for days, or weeks even.

I put a distance between her and I instead, hands in my pockets, telling myself it’s better this way. By the time I reach the car, my phone is already in my hand and I act without thinking.

Me: I’m going to the shore, if you want to join me.

I stare at the screen for a second after sending it, annoyed at myself. I could’ve just asked. I could’ve stayed. Instead, I’m here, engine off and parked like I’m waiting for permission I already gave her. I had seen talented people before, and damaged minds too. What I had not seen yet, was someone who carried both equally. And somehow the tragedy of her no longer trusting her ability awakened something stupidly soft and curious in me.

Now she’s a part of my routine, and it feels right to make sure she knows that I understand her more than I would want to.

She replies a few seconds later, and that is surprising. I’m probably sure she’s laughing at how stupid I look now.

And I wait a few minutes before seeing a silhouette coming closer. She doesn’t knock on the window and opens the passenger door as she looks at me with a knowing smile.

“Do you even know how to access the shore, Mister Caldwell?” she says, settling in.

“I do,” I smile back. The house I have here is close to it, the landlords told me there was an access there.

“I’m impressed. Seraphin Bay is not easy to navigate.”

“You can always help me if I get lost.”

She glances at me and hesitates before finally speaking, “You could’ve asked while sitting next to me for almost an hour.”

“I like knowing you were probably confused when you received the text from ‘library’,” I say as I catch her throwing her head back and laughing.

Then I start the engine. The radio is on, the city half-asleep, streets quite empty for this hour. And I watch her more than I watch the road. The way she tracks every intersection, the way her gaze lingers on certain buildings like they mean something to her. Memories. A life I actually know nothing about.

“You always look angry when you stare at this town.”

She looks back at me and smiles, “Why are you so focused on everything I do?”

“Curiosity,” I reply and she shakes her head.

“Sometimes, not knowing is better.”