Page 86 of 912321

Blue looks up at me, then settles down on my chest.

I take my phone and send a text to Damien.

Me: Safe.

I am safe. I’m home and safe.

38

Mireya

Play - Retrograde by James Blake

Carried Ghosts

I didn't sleep a wink. I drew without stopping, as if my hands could erase what my brain refused to replay. Focusing only on things that make me happy. Milo’s face, then Blue and stars. Lilies. Anything.

But nothing is erased.

No missing person’s report has been filed. I didn’t see a wanted poster in the streets for weeks. As if she never mattered, as if no one truly wanted to find her.

Erased and forgotten.

That urge returned last night. I recognize it, but I’ve been pushing it away. Again.

I drank instead. Because alcohol fades, and because it’s easier. It made me softer, careless almost. Drugs don’t do that, they’re different. They make me miss them, they make me remember. But I couldn't give in again, not here, not now.

When I finally sat down, Blue settled against me and looked just as confused as I was.

I wonder how Damien feels. Is he overthinking the situation like I am? Or is he okay?

He did reply to my text a few hours later, it was a small “good.”

Then early morning came, but sleep never did and now I have to act normal again. Hayzel’s birthday is today and I have a lot planned for us. An excuse to get drunk and also give her the present I’ve been keeping a secret for weeks now.

I’ll have to smile, pretend, and play the part of the girl who didn't spend the night wondering if she witnessed a murder or a suicide. A girl who spent her night talking to her teacher and not following the rules at all.

These thoughts follow me as I try my hardest to get ready and calm down the pounding headache that is clouding my mind.

Hayzel is most likely still sleeping. She has a rule, no classes on her birthday. Not now, not when we were in school. Not ever actually. She always took days off even at work.

She treats it like a sacred pause from the world, as if she’s the only person in the world to experience and celebrate a birthday. Which means she’s still asleep and will stay in bed all day long.

I get ready quickly, grab my keys and head to my car. The academy is still half-empty at this hour. Mister Caldwell’s car is still parked at the exact spot I left it a few hours ago.

I drove out to pick up the cake I ordered. A small and simple chocolate one, already paid for, and then I went back.

I parked and headed inside with the cake carefully balanced in my hands. Then I stopped to take a long breath.

Don’t be tired Mireya, don’t show it.

I knock once, then again, softer.

“If that’s not a birthday emergency, I’m suing you, Reya,” her voice calls from inside, muffled and half-asleep.

“It is,” I say, smiling.

The door opens a second later. She’s a mess, hair everywhere, oversized shirt, eyes still squinting, and yet she lights up the second she sees me. “You came early,” she says, like it’s a personal betrayal I committed out of affection.