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I can see her body clearly in my head now that it’s not blurred with uninvited memories. She had marks around her neck, chain marks. If it’s him, if this bastard is still active or if someone stupid enough is imitating him, then he deserves death.

“Women are never safe.” I look at my hands, trying to focus on the small marks left by the people who never considered us enough. “You can be walking home, sleeping or even sitting somewhere you thought was safe…” My voice tightens as I continue, “And somehow, someone can still decide that your life belongs to them.” I lift my head, looking up at him and smile sadly before adding, “I think that’s what makes me angry.”

His expression turns thoughtful for a second, then he speaks, “I’m angry too.”

His eyes move toward the bandage around my finger and stay there for a moment too long. “I’ve spent a long time learning how to separate emotion from work. But that doesn’t mean it will disappear.”

I shake my head as my hands shake harder than before. “How can anger disappear when everyone wants women to be afraid?”

His finger wraps around the bondage softly as if trying to calm the trembling without even touching me. “Most people try to turn anger into vengeance, Mireya. It’s dangerous because they look alike.”

I stare back at him and all I can think of is how maddening this is. “Most people are more comfortable with women being hurt than being angry about it.”

A faint smile appears on his lips as he creates distance between us again, taking a step back. “Good thing that vengeance is justice’s twin.”

“I don’t want her to be another file on a desk and another name people will only remember because of how she died.”

“Then keep being angry, because indifference is worse.”

And for some reason, that is the first thing someone has said to me all day that makes me feel less alone.

I go back to my desk and stare at the unfinished lily carved there longer than I should. I grab my bag and walk to the door when I hear him sigh. I think I want to say something, but it is stuck in my throat. Instead I smile at the way he stands there, not aware of how this looks. “I’ll stop staying here after class.”

His brows knit in confusion as he asks, “Why?”

I hesitate. “Because empty classrooms and morally questionable conversations are becoming a habit between us.”

A small smile appears on his face. “You think this is morally questionable?”

I look at him, opening the door. “You’re my professor. I think we both know the answer.”

I leave him there because it’s easy to let a conversation become a habit and a person become a place you start looking for when the world gets too dark.

And I refuse to build a home somewhere I’m not allowed to stay and don’t even have full access to.

40

Mireya

Play - You Get Me So High by The Neighbourhood

Bleeding soul

Drinks and drinks after drinks.

That’s how we spend the first hour getting ready for Hayzel’s birthday.

I finished training two hours ago and took a quick shower before lying on my bed with Blue.

I missed him today. He’s been doing all types of adorable things since I came back and it made me want to stay there with him all night long. But the moment this thought appeared, Hayzel came back with Ethan and bags filled with alcohol.

I knew I’d end up like this.

Overthinking and floating between calm and anxiety.

Blue is sleeping next to me, and Hayzel is talking about how she really misses having a boyfriend.

I don’t think it’s a bad trait. I think she always wanted to feel loved. To physically feel like she matters to a man. Because she never had one in her life. Her parents died in a car accident when she was younger. That’s when she started living with her grandma.