Page 48 of Marriage and the Midlife Crisis

“I don’t know.” I sighed and shook my head sadly. “I just don’t fucking know anymore.”

Chapter 16

Ryan

At least she hadn’t said yes. I’d take an “I don’t know” any day over “yes, I still want a divorce”.

While I was trying to figure out how to respond to that, Melanie stood up and announced that she was going to grab a few things from her closet.

I jumped up and blocked her way, and she took a step back and glared at me.

“Just hear me out, please. Stay here. There’s no need for you to leave. I’ll move into the guest room if you want me to. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll stay out of your way. I just hate the thought of you living somewhere that isn’t under the same roof as me, even temporarily.”

Melanie shook her head and gave me a sad smile. “I need to think, Ryan, and I need space to do that. Space that doesn’t include you. Our problems go beyond this weekend. They’ve been building for well over a year. You’ve changed, and I’m tired of fighting with you about it. I honestly don’t want to live with the man you’ve become. I need to know that the man I fell in love with is still in there somewhere, because I haven’t seen him for an awfully long time.”

I blinked rapidly to fight the tears pricking my eyes at Melanie’s brutal honesty, then stepped aside in defeat so she could get to the stairs.

She came down a few minutes later with a canvas tote bag slung over her shoulder, stuffed full of clothing, with her favorite sweater folded up on top.

I stopped her as she reached for her coat.

“Would you be willing to do some joint counselling sessions with me?”

She hesitated, then told me that she had a session scheduled for Friday morning at ten. “It’s a solo session, but I’m sure Kim would be OK meeting with both of us. I’ll text you the address.”

“I’d be happy to pick you up. Maybe we could grab some breakfast first?”

Mel slipped on her coat and zipped up, then turned to face me. “I think it would be best for us to meet there.”

I nodded, agreeing only because she gave me no choice.

She started to open the door, the stopped and looked at me over her shoulder. “I picked Kim because she also specializes in grief counseling. I know you didn’t want to consider it before, but I really think it might help. I’ll leave it up to you if you want to work with her on that.”

She slipped out the door before I could say a word, and I spent the next few hours replaying every minute of my conversation with not only Melanie, but also with Tanner and Garrett.

My mind was still blown by the fact that my sons seemed to dislike Mitch as much as my wife did. How had I not seen that?

You did see it, you just ignored it, that little voice I’d been hearing all weekend whispered in my ear.

I thought back to all the times Mitch had come around since he’d moved back to town. The boys had never seemed all that happy to see him, but I’d just put that down to the fact that they were teenaged boys who weren’t happy about much of anything except for teenaged girls.

I recalled all the invitations I’d extended for the boys to join us for Pacers or Colts games, or to play golf, or to go out on Mitch’s boat. They turned me down just about every, single time. I’d assumed they were just too old and too cool to want to hang out with their dad, and maybe that was part of it. I had a feeling that the bigger issue was Mitch himself, though.

I had a sudden flash of memory from the one and only time they’d gone out on the boat with us. Mitch had pulled up next to a boat full of college coeds and flirted his ass off, while also trying to play wingman for the boys, who were barely seventeen at the time. They’d been embarrassed, and I’d had to pull Mitch aside and quietly tell him to knock it off because he was making my sons, as well as the young ladies, uncomfortable. He’d teased Tanner and Garrett about it for the rest of the afternoon, and I’d thought it was good-natured teasing. Looking back on it, especially if I put myself in their position, it looked a lot like taunting and bullying, and I’d stood there and let it happen with a grin on my stupid face.

I wanted to kick my own ass and then kick Mitch’s.

I finally couldn’t take being stuck in the house with only my thoughts for company and headed to the gym. Since my hand hurt like hell, I settled for a grueling run on the treadmill, then showered and changed in the locker room before heading into work for the afternoon. I stuck my head into Dave’s office to let him know I was back.

He motioned for me to take a seat, then cocked his head and studied me with concern. “It’s not my business, and you certainly don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but is everything OK? You looked tired Monday, but you like you’ve been to hell and back today.”

I tried to smile, but it wasn’t convincing. “Yeah, we just have some family stuff going on. I’m sure it will be fine, but in the meantime, I’ll probably need a few hours off here and there. Friday morning, for sure.”

He just shrugged. “You’ve got plenty of paid time off available, so take off whenever you need to and we’ll work around it. Just add it to your shared calendar so everyone knows that you’ll be out of the office and unavailable at those times.”

“Thanks, Dave,” I said as I got to my feet. “I really appreciate you being understanding.”

“No thanks needed. Just know that I’m here if you need anything. Put your family first, and don’t worry about this place. We can muddle along until you get things taken care of on your end.”