Page 32 of Catching Sparkles

“You mean you don’t want him to know that we’ve messed around,” I determined.

“Well, yeah. That too,” he admitted sheepishly.

“I told you that you don’t need to worry. No one’s going to find out anything. You’d be shocked how many guys I’m keeping secrets for in this town,” I added. Thinking about how many closeted guys I’d screwed around with wasn’t the most lovely thing to think about, but I couldn’t help but grin when he whipped around to face me again, his eyebrows raised.

I’d gotten the sense that he might have been harboring a smidge of jealousy when it came to me, when he’d not-so-subtly nudged me into riding home with everyone after the parade. Any other year I would have ended up finding a friend or acquaintance to hook up and spend the night with, but of course this year I refrained. Even if I’d still been considering it after he’d stroked me off in the alley, Rhys’ big pleading blue eyes were basically my kryptonite. And honestly the fact that I had all of his attention, for however long this thing between us would last, meant that no other guy in the entire world meant anything to me. But it was still cute to tease him and try to bring a little bit of that jealousy to the surface.

“You mean, like… You’ve dated guys from around here?”

“I wouldn’t say we dated.”

“You… had sex with them?” He asked, the pitch of his voice raising just a bit.

“A few of them,” I confirmed, biting down into my lower lip to keep from laughing. He could be so incredibly obvious with his feelings at times. I’d never expected him to be so transparent about this sort of thing. It was really cute. “Some of them I just kissed. And some just wanted to vent to me, or wanted advice.”

I waited for him to process what I’d said, slightly worried what he would think of me. I wasn’t embarrassed by my sexuality, or the fact that I wasn’t some repressed, pent up prude. But I wasn’t proud of the fact that I’d let guys who couldn’t even admit they weren’t straight use me so many times, even if it hadn’t always been about sex. But after a few moments of contemplation, Rhys looked a little relieved. But just a little.

“Anyone I know?” He wondered, after a stretch of silence.

“Yeah.”

“Who?” He asked quickly, and I gave him a brief sidelong glance, before shaking my head a little.

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

“Because they’re not out,” he determined, speaking slowly like it was a mystery he was working out in his mind.

“Right.”

“Wait,” he said. “So they… I mean, they thought they might be… Uh, you know, not straight.” I made a noise of assent to indicate for him to keep going. “So they… came to you. Went to you, I mean,” he hurriedly tacked on, probably to avoid the obvious innuendo there. I chose to take the high road and not acknowledge it.

“I’m pretty much the only openly queer guy in Cherryvale, Rhys. Who else would they go to?”

There were two women, Steph and Kelly, who lived together in one of the pretty little houses in Rhys’ neighborhood. Them being an actual couple, and not just a couple of gal pals was one of those open secrets people gossiped about, but not really in a malicious way. Steph was a member of the board of elected trustees who voted on town affairs, and Kelly was a librarian. I saw them together at the park all the time, where they were always walking their pair of sweet little Dachshunds. I liked giving them treats.

“So… basically they hooked up with you. Or whatever. And then decided they weren’t going to… come out.”

“I can’t really control what people decide to do with their life, or what parts of themselves they’re willing to accept,” I said, trying to sound gentle. The last thing he needed was the idea that I would judge him or be harsh on him for struggling to figure himself out. “That’s up to them.”

“But… you did it. I mean, people know about you, and they’re okay with it.”

“It’s kind of different for me,” I admitted, pursing my lips a little as I considered his words. “I couldn’t really hide it even if I wanted to. Everyone knows as soon as they meet me. You remember when I was a kid. You knew, right? I didn’t have to come out to you.”

He didn’t respond, only the soft notes of a Broadway musical soundtrack I’d turned way down spreading through the car for the span of several heartbeats.

“Yeah,” he finally said. But there was a note of something in his voice I couldn’t quite decipher. Something kind of rough and unsure. I hated hearing him sound like that. I wanted to make everything in his life easy and fix all of his problems, a feat that my logical brain knew was almost certainly impossible. But I couldn’t help but fantasize about it anyway. “I knew.”

“It’s okay,” I told him quickly. “I don’t mind. I would hate living like that, having to hide parts of myself. And I like my life,” I reminded him.

Out of my peripherals, I watched him let out a long exhale and lean back into the seat more.

“That’s good, Sparkles. You deserve to be happy.”

“You deserve it, too.”

He scoffed, and shifted his gaze over and out the window at the blur of trees we were passing on the empty back road like he wasn’t sure he agreed with me. I still had a lot of work to do.

When we got to the baby boutique, I could immediately tell he’d never been in one. His wide eyes and barely contained admiration for all the adorable furniture and clothes made me want to melt into a pink puddle on the carpet.