Page 34 of Death Kiss

‘It’s been quite the year for you, but you’re going to have the most amazing time,’ Sandra says with a smile. ‘What about you two? What’s your next step now that school’s done?’

She’s never known what I did for a living. The bruises and cuts weren’t hideable, but she’s never seriously probed me for answers, knowing when to back off in her questioning.

‘We’re trying to buy my parents’ house, actually,’ Kat says.

There’s a hush around the table as everyone stares at her.

‘The big fancy house?’ Sandra asks.

‘Well, yes. It’s not perfect, but they want to sell up, and I’d really rather keep the place in the family.’

‘How are you going to get a mortgage?’ Ellie asks. ‘The place is fucking huge.’

‘Ellie,’ Sandra admonishes, more for the cussing than the nosiness.

Kat’s leg jumps against mine beneath the table. I slip my hand over her thigh and squeeze, hoping it feels reassuring.

‘It won’t be easy. I have some money saved up, and I’m going to sell some jewellery. We’re both on the…’ Kat looks at me. ‘…hunt for work.’

‘Well, no wonder you’re both looking green around the gills. How long do you have to make the decision?’ Sandra asks.

‘A few weeks,’ I say, wishing we hadn’t ended up down this alley.

‘It still might be a good idea to start small.’ Colin’s still sneaking beef to the cat as he speaks.

‘We want to keep it in the family. For our family. A place where Kat and I can raise our children. We can put up Ellie when she comes back from her year away, covered in misjudged tattoos and married to some guy called Montgomery who only wears sandals.’

Ellie tosses a roast potato at my head, making me laugh.

‘And so we can look after you guys if you need it later in life. Or just have space for you to come love on your future grandkids.’ My words choke a little near the end. I’ve never really told them how much I want that. Or need it. To know they’ll stay as part of my future.

Sandra and Colin look at each other, rather glossy-eyed. One of those looks between long-term couples that says everything and nothing in the same fleeting glance. With a short nod from Colin, Sandra turns back to us.

‘We have a bit of money put by for both you and Ellie. It’s not house-buying money, but it should help.’

Ellie squeals and drops her fork, squealing again when Reggie attacks it with torpedo speed for the smidge of gravy it contains. ‘You mean it?’

Colin smiles. ‘We mean it. Might mean you get hostels two steps up from the bargain-basements you’ve been showing us.’

‘Thank you,’ Ellie says, her voice filled with glee. ‘I’ll be able to bring you home some trinkets now!’

Sandra laughs. ‘That’s not necessary, sweetie. Plus, the extra baggage costs might put you right back into the lowest-budget hostels.’

I haven’t fully processed their words. They want to give me their money? They’ve always been generous with gifts, food, and love, but this feels too big. I’ve never expected anything like an inheritance from them. I’m not really their son. Just a clinger on.

‘Sandra, Colin, I can’t take your money.’ Kat threads her fingers into mine, where they still lay on her lap. ‘The offer means so much, but it wouldn’t feel right. You’re supposed to be heading into retirement, enjoying your life together without us troublesome kids around.’

Sandra sips her wine before answering, her response kind but measured. ‘We are supposed to spend our money however we like, love. Because we love you, and Kat, too. And we want you to be happy, and safe and loved.’

God damn. I swallow as my eyes sting. I’m not in a stable enough place for this.

Thankfully, Sandra seems to sense the stress rolling off me. ‘The offer will stand as long as you need it. Now come help me fetch the desserts.’

There’s no point arguing. After giving Kat’s hand a squeeze and a longing glance at the beef still on my plate, I follow her through to the kitchen.

‘I’m not going to push you,’ she says, opening the fridge and handing me a very full trifle. ‘But we can offer you fifty thousand if you need it. No strings. Just our gratitude for welcoming us into your life.’

Putting the cold trifle onto the counter, I take her small hands in mine. ‘I’m the one who needs to be grateful. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, but we need much more, and I won’t take your money knowing we might not be able to raise the rest.’