Page 136 of Poet & Protector

When I’d finished recounting the events of last night and this morning, Nev let his head drop against the back of the couch.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” He turned his face toward me. His sad smile broke my heart. “But that was going to be true no matter what. I’ve known since Eden he was coming for you.”

I nodded, then frowned. “It was different than I expected, last night. He was different.”

Nev sat up, his expression pensive. “I think it’s like we talked about. Forcing you isn’t the endgame Logan’s after. He needs you to want him. When he approached you directly and used a strong hand, you resisted. Now he’s taking a different tack. He’s creating a scenario he thinks will draw you in.”

“That’s the way I read it.”

“How are you feeling about that?”

“I’m not sure,” I said. “I mean…it’s better than the strong hand.”

“It is.”

“He likes head games,” I mused. “He wants to keep me off balance. There’s no reason I can’t do the same. Should I try to convince him I’m playing hard to get or something? I need to figure out how I can keep him at a distance without him knowing I’m keeping him at a distance.”

Nev didn’t hide his flinch quickly enough.

“You don’t need to hear this,” I said, regret and guilt pooling inside me. “I’m just talking out loud.”

“I do need to hear it,” he countered with a grimace. “It’s the only way I can help you. You’re not alone. I’m with you in this.”

“But it hurts you.” I looked away from him. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re hurting.”

“You’re not, Mason,” Nev said. “It’s never you. All of this is Logan.”

My eyes stung. “I’m s⁠—”

Nev leaned in and touched his lips to mine, stopping my words. “No. Don’t do it.”

“Thanks, I was about to go maudlin there.” I tried to smile. “I really need a nap.”

I’d passed out into a dreamless sleep on Logan’s couch, but I didn’t feel at all rested, especially after he hit me with another round of plot twists this morning.

“I hate that it makes so much sense.” Nev rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. “Logan wanting you. You’re everything he isn’t. Light. Laughter. I’m afraid he’ll take that from you. Please don’t let him. Efron has made Sabine so bitter, but it’s because anger is her only defense. I hate that for her, and I’m terrified it will happen to you.”

I reached out and drew him upright. “He won’t change me, Nev. And if you ever feel like he’s pulling me into the dark, if I’m fading away, you can stop it. You’re my light. You’ll always be the one who brings me back.”

Lifting his hand, I kissed his knuckles, his fingertips, his palm. “Okay?”

He nodded.

Twenty-Two

The Mountain School

Monday, the week of the union

MASON

“Mason!”

I bit the inside of my cheek at the sound of Logan’s voice. It was bad luck that he decided to come looking for me when Nev happened to be there, too. Nev didn’t usually walk me to my locker after lunch, but we’d been in the middle of a conversation and our next classes were pretty close to each other, so we’d kept talking on our way.

On the other hand, maybe it was better for Logan to see us together right after lunch, where he knew our packs were always hanging out, rather than catching us alone in some random part of the school.