Page 32 of Poet & Protector

“This was a mistake,” I muttered to myself.

“What was?”

Talking to you. Laughing with you. Letting you convince me to do your stupid bet.

I shoved my notebook and pen in my bag, ignoring his question.

Anger and sadness continued to build in my chest, painful pressure that made it hard to breathe. This happened every time I found out Efron summoned Sabine. What made it even worse was I knew she only told me when she had no other choice, like today, when she had to break our plans to hang out. It killed me to think about all the times she didn’t tell me. She did it to protect herself, and me, but that didn’t change how desperately I wished I could help her and how badly it hurt that I couldn’t.

“You’re leaving?” Mason watched me in disbelief.

“We did what we needed to do for class,” I told him. “Why would I stay?”

I’d taken a few steps toward the gate when a snarl sounded at my back. I glanced over my shoulder only to catch a blur of brown and gray fur as Mason leapt over me in wolf form. He landed a foot in front of me, hackles raised, fangs bared, and in the next second he lunged forward, snapping at my hand holding my bag.

His ferocity and sudden attack were so unexpected, I stumbled backward, dropping the bag as I lost my balance and fell on my ass.

“What the fuck?!” I levered myself up onto my elbows.

Mason shifted forms and stood over me. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t end our conversation and leave because you feel like it!”

I climbed to my feet, brushing dirt off my jeans. “Our conversation was a waste of time.”

He flinched and I ignored the flare of regret I felt at his injured expression. We weren’t friends. I’d let my guard down today, but that was a mistake. Mason wasn’t someone I could trust.

“Our conversation was fine until you went psycho about Sabine,” he complained.

“You’re the one who turned into a wolf and tried to bite my hand off!”

“I wouldn’t have actually bitten you,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets and kicking at the ground. “The only reason I shifted was because you were about to walk away. I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult when all I’ve done is try to be nice.”

He sighed and cast me a guilt-ridden glance. “If this is about the whole kiss thing, I’m sorry. I know it was a joke and I shouldn’t have…I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Now I felt guilty because none of that was his fault. I took our bet to a place it should never have gone and I was the one who needed to apologize to him. But if I did that it would put us right back where I didn’t want to be: building a friendship that left me craving more of Mason.

I didn’t like how comfortable it felt to be with him as we worked through our assignment, how much I enjoyed the sound of his laughter. How deeply that sudden and powerful onslaught of attraction to him had unsettled me but still compelled me to make a risky proposition I’d barely escaped.

My only defense was to strike where it would hurt the most.

“Do you know why I don’t like you, Mason? Why I see all of this…” I gestured back and forth between us, “as a waste of time?”

My gut churned as I watched him swallow, taking in my words. I was being cruel and I knew it. But this partnership, these unwelcome, unpredictable responses I had to him, were unbearable.

“Because you and all the Nightshades have it easy,” I spat. “Your lives are perfect and you are clueless.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He glared at me. His muscles were taut, trembling with outrage. “We’re Guardians. Our lives are just like yours. We go to the Mountain School. We patrol like you. We fight like you. We are the same!”

“We are not!” I emphasized my words with a downward slash of my hand. The force of it created a rush of air in the space between us. “You have no idea how much harder life is for Banes.”

“Why is it so much harder?” he demanded.

“Because Efron is a monster!” I shouted, unable to hold back the storm of grief any longer.

My chest heaved, my emotions so far out of my control I had no idea what would happen next. Something in my expression made him back off. I watched as he retreated a short distance and stared at me.

“What do you mean, Nev?”

I knew what he was thinking: all Guardians lived in fear of their Keeper masters with good reason. Guardians like me and Mason had even more reason to be afraid. We were taught that as long as we followed their laws, Keepers treated their wolves with respect. We were their soldiers. They needed us. We served them and in return they gave us everything we could want. Beautiful homes, exceptional educations, expensive cars, almost anything we asked for. A fair exchange.