Page 96 of Tempting My Mafia Monster

“For years, every decision you made was about survival. Your survival. Your siblings’ survival. But the darkness was about Sean. Kill Sean. Escape Sean. Hate Sean. He took up so much space in your head that there was no room left for anythin’ else.”

My fingers tightened around my journal as the couple kissed.

“But for a little while…” Nolan’s voice softened. “There was somethin’ else.”

“What?”

“I watched you become human again.”

I shook my head, ignoring the uneasy ache in my chest.

“You stopped lookin’ like a man waitin’ to die. You’d found a reason to live, not just survive. It was all because of Soraya.”

The idea was absurd.

“Don’t remember any of that.”

“I know. You think you want revenge because it’s the last thing you remember wantin’. But it’s not the only reason you don’t want to leave.”

The pain in my chest sharpened. I hated how familiar it felt. It felt like grief.

“Get on that plane tomorrow, not for Riley, but for yourself. You might find peace and a life you deserve. But only do it if you can truly leave the past behind and move on. You have to be okay with lettin’ it all go.”

He took a few steps back towards the building, adjusting his cap. I watched him walk away as the ache in my chest became unbearable. I leaned over, dropped my head, and focused on breathing. These panic attacks were shite. I’ve had a few since I woke up. Possibly a side effect of the Raw Mercy overdose, probably PTSD, or maybe something else.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Hazel eyes appeared. Deep brown at the edges, gold at the centre, like whiskey in sunlight. Framed by long black lashes, they held so much emotion. So much delicate beauty. They belonged to a woman. I couldn’t picture her face. I couldn’t hear her voice. Yet somehow I knew those eyes had seen the real me when no one else dared. The ache in my chest cracked open, and I inhaled a much-needed breath.

I opened my journal and sketched them in hurried strokes before my mind could take them from me again.

Riley nudged my elbow, sending the pencil slightly off-centre. I lifted the headphones from one of my ears. “They just called the flight. We’re boarding.”

I glanced up, disoriented for a moment as I took in the busy surroundings. People stood, grabbed their bags, and shuffled toward a gate.

“Wow, that’s a lot of eyes,” Riley said, leaning into my shoulder for a better look. I slammed the journal shut, stood up, and grabbed my bag. “Whose eyes are they? Have you remembered anything else?”

“They’re just eyes, Riley.”

She pouted and wrapped her arm around Nolan’s waist as the three of us joined the back of the queue to board. The pressure in my chest intensified, and my gaze darted around the airport. I put the headphones back on and focused on breathing.

I woke up this morning knowing I had two choices. Make sure my sister got safely on this flight before I headed back to Ireland and went on a suicidal killing spree, or choose a new life and let go of the past. Standing here, I realised it was easier in theory than in practice.

My agitation grew as we got closer to the front of the line. People started looking at me, noticing how twitchy and tense I was.

Riley lifted one of my headphones off my ear. “Maddox, everyone will think you have a bomb in your bag if you don’t stop acting weird.”

“Don’t say ‘bomb’ in an airport, for Christ’s sake, woman,” Nolan chuckled.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead. A couple ahead turned around and glared at me. I glared right back. They shit themselves.

“Maddox, you’re scaring people.”

I stepped out of the queue and slammed my hand against the nearest wall, hunching over.

“Maddox, what’s going on? Are you having another panic attack?”

“Just give him a minute, babe,” Nolan said, pulling her away from me. “Give him some space.”

“But we’re going to miss our flight!”