Page 19 of Blissful Devotion

I drop onto the bed beside him, but it still takes a few moments before he acknowledges my existence and offers me a glance.

“Hey, what’s up?”

His words sound like Desmond's, but they lack emotion, as if he were merely a ghost of himself.

“We’re going to get her back.” The words come out without thought, the urge to comfort him so strong that it’s nearly second nature.

We’ve spent our whole lives together, more like brothers than cousins, and seeing him like this feels like a weight on my shoulders.

Desmond is usually so full of life, but now it’s as if it’s been sucked out of him.

I didn’t realize it before, but she’s brought us all closer, made us a family instead of simply people going through life together.

I was too busy worrying about keeping my distance so she couldn’t hurt me to realize that I was already in too deep. Even if I didn’t miss her and feel the ache of her absence, knowing the rest of my family does is enough to know we need her.

All of us.

“Do you even want her back?” he snaps, catching me off guard before he pushes himself to his feet. He stalks out the door, slamming it closed behind him, and for a second, all I can do is look after him, shocked and confused.

What just happened?

It takes me a second, but I shake myself and chase after him. I catch up with him halfway down the stairs, but if he hears me, he doesn’t stop. I reach out, grabbing his shoulder, and he quickly twists around to face me, a sneer on his face that wasn't there a few minutes ago.

What the hell is going on?

“What is your problem?” I ask because it's clear he has one, and given his reaction, I’m going to assume I have something to do with it.

“Get the fuck off me.” He shrugs off my hand, looking at his shoulder as if I’ve made it dirty, then continues down the stairs.

“Des,” I call after him as I follow him. “Des, stop! Talk to me.” He turns at the bottom of the stairs and heads into the dining room.

“Desmond!” This time, when I call for him, he whips around fast enough that I almost barrel right into him as I try to catch up.

“Do you even really care that she’s gone?” he shouts, poking a finger to my chest hard enough that I take a step back. “You're probably glad she’s gone, aren't you?” he snaps, and while he sounds angry, I know it’s more than that.

He’s sad and lost.

Emotions swim in his eyes, and that’s not the only thing right now.

Des has always lashed out with big feelings, unable to handle them properly; it's no surprise that this is going to push him over the edge.

“I miss her like I never thought possible, not just for her, but any woman.”

Des looks away with a huff, and I watch as a single tear rolls down his face.

“I kept her away because I was afraid. I was a coward, and even when I realized what I was missing, that I wanted her as much as the rest of you, I worried I’d already fucked it all up. You all have memories, moments, and things you were building…” I trail off, trying to catch my breath, each word feeling as though it’s stealing the air from my lungs.

“All I have are regrets, and even those I don’t deserve.”

My eyes sting, and I blink hard against the urge to cry. I don’t deserve to cry over something I caused.

“When we get her back, it will be different. I’ll be different. That can’t—” I choke on the words, unable to say them aloud. “She deserved better from me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it right.”

“You better,” he grunts, wiping his face with the back of his arm, and this time, when he pulls away, I let him go.

For a second, I have no idea where I am or what’s going on.

The second doesn’t last long, though, as the horror I’m currently stuck in returns along with the deep ache in my head.