Page 46 of The Honor Society

I try to catch up but run into someone and get shoved towards a desk. A piece of paper is pressed into my hand, but when I look up I don’t see anyone I recognize. Who gave this to me?

I look down and unfold it as people walk around me.

Famine, must feed. But every meal has a price. Pick a side. Will you find death or it will it find you? Tick, tock Famine. Thirteen days until The Convocation, don’t be late.

I gasp and shove the note in my pocket.

I’m being watched.

It could be from Death itself.

It could be from Jude’s father, people from Jenner upset about the upheaval. It could truly be anyone.

But not The Proctor.

He’s not allowed.

Old me would immediately go to Axel or Jude or the person closest to me I can trust. But this me now, this person who’s just discovering how deep things go doesn’t budge. I keep the information for myself. So what if Death finds me? At least then I’ll know who it is. And if I find them first? Then I eliminate a threat, possibly, or find a person who can.

Shit, a few weeks ago I was afraid of the invisible threats coming at me, now, now I want to be the one giving the threats. I want to hold the cards. If it protects Axel, it’s all I can do to be brave. I think of his face. Of what I’ve forced him to do. Of what I’ve been forced to give up.

I refuse to go down without fighting. They made me give him up.

So they can all go fuck themselves.

Famine’s joining the fight.

I swear, in that moment, a sense of calm washes over me and the rest of the day I take joy in the fact that I’m so much of a threat, that I have a tail going to every single boring class with me in order to see if I find Death or it finds me first.

Hope they enjoy cafeteria food.

I’ve been telling myself it’s normal to feel this way.

Lonely.

Lilah called to check in, she’s staying at Jude’s again, something about him getting some weird ass orders and then he said Proctor and she dropped it. I’m not an idiot. I know exactly why she’s steering clear and it’s not because she’s afraid of The Proctor and I know Jude isn’t either. He’s been told to leave me alone in a different way than Axel.

Which means, I’m pretty much about to be visited by the ghost of Christmas present, or would it be future? Should I make tea? Should I drug him? Will he slink through the window or should I just expect him to appear in front of me.

A sudden knock sounds at the door. I look around the apartment, then at the door. No, no way. Really?

The knock sounds again.

Frowning, I make my way over to the door and jerk it open.

A raven mask greets me.

“You know how to knock?” I cross my arms. “Color me surprised, Proctor.”

He tilts his head, it’s oddly familiar. “Someone had a busy day.”

He’s been watching too just like I suspected. Down to Axel sitting next to me. The clicking of the pen, my concern over his hands.

I stare down at Proctor’s leather gloves. “Take those off.”

“Trying to get me naked?” He chuckles. “Shouldn’t you at least buy me dinner first?”

I almost crack a smile. What an Axel response. The joy soon gets snuffed out, because I realize this isn’t Axel, it’s The Proctor, the fact that he even has a sense of humor is a good thing, it’s why I’m probably still alive. It just makes me hate him more, makes me miss Axel more, makes me remember the way he licked his lips, the way he looked at me. God, I hope my hair hid the bite mark.